Jude Law: Dr. John Watson
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Quotes
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Sherlock Holmes : Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron : The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson : It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes : They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
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Dr. John Watson : [reading a note from Holmes] Come at once if convenient.
[flips the note over to back side]
Dr. John Watson : If inconvenient, come all the same.
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[after Holmes throws Mary off the train, Watson turns around and sees his wife gone]
Sherlock Holmes : It had to be done. She's safe now! In my own defense, I timed it perfectly-!
[Watson lunges at him and starts throttling him]
Dr. John Watson : Did you kill my wife?
Sherlock Holmes : [muffled, tries to respond]
Dr. John Watson : DID-YOU-JUST-KILL-MY-NEW-WIFE?
Sherlock Holmes : [forces Watson's hand away] Of course not!
Dr. John Watson : What do you mean? How do you know that, when you just threw her off a train?
Sherlock Holmes : I told you, I timed it perfectly!
Dr. John Watson : What does that mean?
Sherlock Holmes : Calm down!
Dr. John Watson : Explain!
Sherlock Holmes : By the time I explained, we'd both be dead!
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Dr. John Watson : [performing CPR] I know you can hear me, you selfish bastard!
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Sherlock Holmes : Madam, this is a glorious hedgehog goulash. I can't remember ever having had better.
Dr. John Watson : Do tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?
Sherlock Holmes : I told you, Watson, I can't remember.
Dr. John Watson : [whispered] Perhaps you've repressed it.
Sherlock Holmes : [chuckles] That's where we differ. Unlike you, I repress nothing.
Dr. John Watson : Perfectly normal.
Sherlock Holmes : How dare you be rude to this women who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?
Dr. John Watson : Says the man who throws women from trains.
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Dr. John Watson : [as he watches Sherlock drinking embalming fluid] You're drinking embalming fluid?
Sherlock Holmes : [exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson : You do seem...
Sherlock Holmes : Excited?
Dr. John Watson : Manic.
Sherlock Holmes : I am.
Dr. John Watson : Verging on...
Sherlock Holmes : Ecstatic?
Dr. John Watson : Psychotic.
Dr. John Watson : [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.
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Dr. John Watson : How did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes : You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.
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Mary Watson : I miss him too, in my own way.
Dr. John Watson : He would have wanted us to go to Brighton.
Mary Watson : He would have wanted to come with us.
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Sherlock Holmes : [after they finish a short waltz] Who taught you to dance like that?
Dr. John Watson : [with a smile of reminiscence] You did.
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[when Holmes has sedated Gladstone yet again]
Dr. John Watson : How many times are you going to kill my dog?
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Sherlock Holmes : Did you call me a selfish bastard?
Dr. John Watson : Probably.
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Sherlock Holmes : [lights pipe]
Dr. John Watson : What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes : *We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.
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[from trailer]
Dr. John Watson : [seeing Holmes's drag outfit] What?
Sherlock Holmes : I agree it's not my best disguise.
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Dr. John Watson : Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes : Have you? Why? I've barely noticed your absence.
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Dr. John Watson : He's after us, because of you!
Sherlock Holmes : Don't be so petulant about it.
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[first lines]
Dr. John Watson : [voice-over] The year was 1891. Storm clouds were brewing over Europe. France and Germany were at each other's throats, the result of a series of bombings. Some said it was the Nationalists. Others, the anarchists. But as usual, my friend Sherlock Holmes, had a different theory entirely.
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[last lines]
Dr. John Watson : [upon receiving the oxygen mask as an indication that Holmes may be alive] Mary? Who delivered this parcel?
Mary Watson : [offscreen] The postman.
Dr. John Watson : [as he leaves the room] The usual chap or... did he look peculiar?
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Dr. John Watson : I'm on my honeymoon!
[Watson kicks Holmes on the bum]
Dr. John Watson : Why did you lead them here! Why did you involve us?
Sherlock Holmes : They're not here for me they are here for you! Fortunately... so am I.
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[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes : [looks at Watson's gun] Get that out of my face.
Dr. John Watson : It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
Sherlock Holmes : Get what's in your hand out of my face!
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Dr. John Watson : [Sherlock holds out his hand towards Watson] I thought you'd never ask.
[Watson and Holmes start to dance together]
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Mrs. Hudson : Doctor, you must get him to a sanatorium. He's been on a diet of coffee, tobacco, and coca leaves. He never sleeps. I hear multiple voices as if he's rehearsing for a play...
Dr. John Watson : Leave him to me.
Sherlock Holmes : [appears next to her] Don't you have a goat that needs worming?
[goat lows]
Mrs. Hudson : Oh, how kind of you to remind me. So much to look forward to. What would I do without you?
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Dr. John Watson : You completely forgot about my stag party, didn't you? Why are we here?
Mycroft Holmes : [approaching] Your very good health, Doctor. Shame none of your friends could make it.
[Sherlock laughs and Watson chuckles sarcastically]
Dr. John Watson : I'm going to the gaming tables. I refuse for this night to be a total loss. Give me my money.
Sherlock Holmes : Happily. Give me the wedding ring.
Dr. John Watson : Oh, now you're interested in being the best man. You're supposed to keep the ring anyway. Just as you're supposed to organize my stag party.
Sherlock Holmes : [handing some money over] You don't want to lose it on a bet, John.
Dr. John Watson : And invite my friends, of which, by the way, there are many. You're the one with no friends, Sherly No Mates.
Mycroft Holmes : [watching him leave] He's all "me, me, me", isn't he?
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Dr. John Watson : Why are you looking at me with such concern?
Sherlock Holmes : I'm so very worried. Your vitality's been drained from you. Marriage is the end, I tell you.
Dr. John Watson : I think of it as the beginning.
Sherlock Holmes : Armageddon.
Dr. John Watson : Rebirth.
Sherlock Holmes : Restriction.
Dr. John Watson : Structure.
Sherlock Holmes : Answering to a woman.
Dr. John Watson : Being in a relationship. A life in matrimony, the possibility of a family. Who wants to die alone?
Sherlock Holmes : We'll have a good old-fashioned romp tonight you'll settle down, have a family, and I'll die alone.
Dr. John Watson : Yes, that's about it.
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Dr. John Watson : SPOILER: A few words may suffice, to tell the little that remains. Any attempt at finding the bodies was absolutely hopeless. They are still there, deep down in that dreadful cauldron of swirling water and searing foam. Alive for all time, the most dangerous criminal and foremost champion of the law of their generation. I shall ever regard him as the best, and the wisest man whom I've ever known.
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[from trailer]
Dr. John Watson : I see your web of conspiracy has expanded.
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Dr. John Watson : Holmes, how did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes : You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me.
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Dr. John Watson : [Teading Holmes' note aloud] Come at once if convenient.
[Turning the note over]
Dr. John Watson : If inconvenient, come all the same.
