Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Warning, It's Dirty (2009)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : [Alan's "Harper Christmas News Letter", read by Charlie]  As this wonderful year draws to an end, I send this note to family and friend/ So thankful are we for blessings galore, like Charlie's fiancée - a lady, not a whore/ And young Master Jake is growing like a weed, he makes us all proud, not a waste of my seed/ He tried his darndest in every class, and made tenth grade by the skin of his ass/ And our sweet Mother Evelyn had a small operation, her secret garden needed rejuvenation/ And what about the author of this Christmas poem, he's healthy and happy in his beautiful home/ And while some might argue that he's just a leech, it bothers him not, he lives at the beach/ Happy Holidays from the happy Harpers.

• Alan Harper : [after hearing Charlie read his Christmas Newsletter]  What do you think?

  Charlie Harper : You're sad, pathetic, lonely and blue, / If I gave a rat's ass I'd worry about you.