Fun in Balloon Land (1965) User Reviews

I Strongly Question Whether This Qualifies as a Movie

[williampsamuel · 1/10 · 19 May 2020]

Fun in Balloon Land is not so much a movie, in the conventional sense, as it is a series of semi connected events that happen to take place mostly in front of a camera. There is no plot, no logic, no real acting or actors, and no explanation for why such a thing should exist.

The "story" (if it can be described as such) is that little Sonny falls asleep while his mother reads him bedtime stories, then dreams of various adventures in the magical word of Balloon Land, which is filled with giant balloon animals and fairy tale people. What we actually get is Sonny and other unnamed children wandering around a warehouse and interacting with strange balloon people, plus unrelated footage of a balloon parade, narrated by a crazy woman.

One of the first things you notice, aside from grotesque the balloon people are, is that whenever Sonny talks to them, it takes an awkwardly long time for the balloons to mumble something back. Much of this dialog is completely unintelligible, and it's obvious that whoever's voicing the balloon people is just shouting from offscreen. No effort is taken to hide the fact that the "set" is just a warehouse, and at several points workers, set lights, or the end of the stage are clearly visible. Throughout this section the camera moves so rarely that I suspect there was no actual cameraman.

The parade section is somewhat better, insofar as we can tell what's going on, and aren't worried about the safety of the children involved. Sadly, this is mostly offset by the dismal appearance of the balloons, and the extreme length and slowness of the parade. The one source of entertainment Is the woman narrating all this. She's oddly animated, unreasonably excited about each and every lackluster balloon float, and keeps insisting against all evidence that the bored, shivering children love the parade as much as she does. I'm not sure if she's seriously overcaffeinated or just trying way too hard, but either way it's kind of surreal.

So is the whole movie for that matter. Surreal, bizarre, baffling, and utterly incompetent on every level. So incompetent that it makes Ed Wood and Tommy Wisaeu look like real directors by comparison. The only possible reason for its existence is as an extended advertisement for its creators, Gigantic Balloon Parade co, which makes it a strong contender for the worst commercial ever released.

I hesitate to call this the worst movie ever made, because it's not nearly as grating or cringy as some of the other "worst ever" candidates, and aside from a pair of unbelievably racist balloons, there's little that's outright objectionable. That said, it is probably the cheapest, most pitiful excuse for a movie I've ever witnessed, and I can't imagine watching it without help from Rifftrax.

My Therapist Made Me Write This

[tmdarby · 1/10 · 10 February 2016]

I have to write a review of this as part of my therapy program. I landed in therapy as a direct result of this film.

In order to confront my fears now I must face this film. As a warning I suggest no parent ever subject their child to the acid trip known as Fun in Balloon Land.

There really is nothing to spoil, but if you watch this movie and start seeing the ghostly spectre of a tiny boy in gold lame shorts while holding hands with a lobster, I can recommend a good therapist.

The film is what I can only assume passes for fun in hell. Oh and it's set in Balloon Land.

Leftover Thanksgiving turkey, like something a pedophile uses to lure small children into their gingerbread house.

[Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki · 1/10 · 30 December 2016]

A diaper-wearing kid falls asleep, and dreams of something called Balloon Land, which amounts to some gigantic balloons in a pedophile's warehouse/ garage. There is a bit of piano music hear in these scenes, but the piano music is clearly being performed live, by someone sitting behind the camera, as it is obviously live, and drowning in echo. Someone is blowing bubbles on the audio tracks, crew members can clearly be seen moving the balloons around, and the end of the so-called stage can frequently be seen, along with a bit of lighting equipment, before the film pads out its run time with footage of an unidentified parade filled with gigantic balloons, and an unidentified female narrator, who can't seem to decide if she is narrating a kid's movie, or doing a porn flick. It frequently shows the audience reacting to the balloons in this parade, and they look as bored and confused as the few people who have ever seen this probably looked.

How was this ever made, and by who? Was it ever screened publicly, and if it was, how many people saw it, and what was their response to it? Its production history is a complete mystery, no cast or crew received any screen credit. Aside from its title, and 1965 copyright date, nothing is known of its origins.

In reality, this was most likely done by Gigantic Balloon co, Inc., just to promote themselves, and make use of some leftover balloons, the original footage was probably filmed in one morning, and on one take, with the parade footage filmed the same evening, and on absolutely zero budget, guerrilla-style, and the people who made this are likely in prison.

Balloons. Balloons everywhere.

[tedlewislab · 1/10 · 27 October 2014]

This movie was dead on arrival. A family oriented movie about old, creepy balloons? No thank you. But it only goes downhill from there. The child actors, oh god the child actors. Every look from them bleeds disinterest and boredom.

You think the adults would be better? Think again. The adult actors in this movie seem to give their best effort not to care, while the editor butchers every scene as if it was some meat being prepared for Christmas dinner. To top all of this off, the narrator seems to be the physical embodiment of indifference; not once did a single note of enthusiasm ever come out of her mouth.

The special effects? Balloons. Balloons that talk. Yes, thats right. They just recorded a bunch of people talking to balloons, and then dubbed some audio into it. There was someone dressed up like a sea wizard, but you will never guess what the wizard does (it involves balloons)

Plot. What plot? You got some weird magic disease going around that makes people go to sleep. What that disease has to do with balloons is far beyond our comprehension. In the middle of the "story" the narrator starts giving back story for a parade that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot. But the parade has balloons so it is all cool.

One of the most unintentionally funny commentators EVER!

[koorumanjeikobu · 1/10 · 18 April 2016]

"We're having fun in Balloonland. Down in Cow Jumpin' Over the Moonland. Look at that Float, Ain't it Ducky? Hey Kids, Now Aren't we Lucky?..."

Those are literally the first lines of this...well, I would say 'train-wreck', but even the most horrendous train-wreck imaginable would not contain as much wretchedness precipitated upon human life! Seriously, if you're eternal consciousness is NEVER graced by this waste of celluloid, you will have done yourself an enormous service. I am not kidding, do not, and I mean DO NOT, even LOOK at this complete and utter waste of time, money and equipment!

I have to say, I agree with the other reviewers' sentiments that it barely qualifies as a film.

[ofpsmith · 1/10 · 27 June 2019]

When I first saw Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny I thought that was as obscure and cheap as it got. I would have thought that Bill Corbett, Mike Nelson, and Kevin Murphy of Rifftrax would have thought the same way until they came across this "film." I have no idea who made this or what it's even supposed to be. It begins as a fairy tale with a little kid inside a warehouse full of (what else) giant balloons that look like characters of some kind. The balloons sit absolutely still as a kid (clearly struggling to remember what the director told him to say half a minute ago) speaks to them. Following this, some guy elsewhere in the hangar speaks to the boy in response. It goes like this for a little bit (even managing to bring other kids and even some creepy adults into the mix) before jumping abruptly to some Thanksgiving parade in Philadelphia that also serves as the film's opening credits. The footage looks like the Zapruder film and a drunk sounding narrator describes each of the floats going by on while also making up backstories on the spot. The parade lasts for 30 minutes or something (I don't even really remember) before the film ends. I don't really feel like I need to explain why this is bad. Bad doesn't even begin to describe it. Cheap doesn't even begin to describe it either. It's one saving grace that makes it marginally better than Santa and the Ice Cream bunny is its relatively short running time.

What should of been just a parade shoot turns into this...

[Aaron1375 · 1/10 · 22 June 2020]

This was obviously a parade that was shot so it could be shown on television, only it did not stop there. No, instead, we get a strange story thrown in to balloon this up to a nearly one hour show. So, if I had to guess, I am thinking they needed to fill an hour time slot on television so they padded this thing so it would fill said time slot using a very creepy story and basically a review of what had just happened. I think they should have simply condensed down the parade footage so that they could simply fill a half an hour slot and just do a Christmas special for the other half hour.

The story, hm, that's a tough one. First you get a song singing about balloon land before switching to a mother reading to her son. He gets up and sticks his nose in the corner and we are off to balloon land where they make no attempt to really make balloons do much and instead have children running around on different sets. The most disturbing being the young boy running around in a golden diaper. Then you watch the average cities Christmas parade which is like every parade...BORING! Seriously have yet to figure out the point of them. Finally, we get a recap of what we saw...

The most crazy thing about the film was the host of the parade who would shout as the balloons went by and describe them in some absurd way. She definitely sounded as if she had a few drinks too as she announced how gay everything was. I realize gay back then was used to describe a happy person, but seriously, she still used it way too much! Get a thesaurus!

So this is not really a film in the truest sense. Just a parade filmed and padded so it could fill the allotted time period. I saw this thanks to the guys at Rifftrax and they made watching this 'film' entertaining as even they were perplexed by exactly who would be watching this thing. So if you want to watch a very strange boy walking around and looking at big balloons and people shouting from a distance as if they were talking, a parade hosted by a tipsy woman and a pointless recap of what you have just seen, this is your movie!

Another poorly made low budget Christmas "Movie".

[LTPHarry · 1/10 · 1 December 2016]

Throughout the early days of films, there were lots of poorly made low budget Christmas films such as "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" and "Santa Claus" which have been lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000. This movie however is SO BAD that I am not going to describe all of it.

The "film" is about a boy named sonny who is being read a story about Balloon Land by his mother. After this the rest of the "film" is just amateur footage from a balloon parade. The balloons are so badly made and creepy looking. If you want a good balloon parade watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Overall, avoid this "Film" at all costs. Please!

"We're Having Psychotic Episodes In Balloon Land..."

[lemon_magic · 3/10 · 18 June 2016]

Wow.

This was obviously supposed to be a harmless piece of fluff (and perhaps a promotion for the "Giant Balloon Parade Floats Company", or whoever that was in the titles), so the impulse is to not take it too seriously or judge it too harshly. It's obviously aimed at very little children...or at least I HOPE it is.

But...wow. You have to have phenomenal, world shaking amounts of "anti-talent" to make something that punishes the viewer for watching it the way this film does.

The film makers apparently decided that just filming a street parade filled with giant balloon floats and endless marching bands wasn't enough...they had to jam in a little fairy tale about a little boy in lame shorts interacting with a bunch of the parade balloons that were stored in a warehouse somewhere. Either of these ideas might have made for a decent short film, if they'd known what they were doing, or if they'd hired a narrator who didn't sound as if she'd downed a quart of cough syrup just before recording her voice-overs. Or if they'd miked the fairy tale portion properly so that all the actors weren't shouting their lines across the warehouse to be picked up where ever the boom mike happened to be.

All of this is done very amateurishly indeed. Never once do these guys manage an interesting composition or line reading or line of dialog, even by accident.

You can skip this one entirely, unless you have a fondness for classic examples of "what NOT to do in a film."

Probably the most amateur "movie" that I've ever seen

[youarewritingaemail · 1/10 · 26 January 2021]

Literally everything about this thing is wrong. The lighting, the acting, the sound, the camera, the music, the writing... everything. And I don't even know if I can consider this as a film, because 70% of this thing is filled with stock footage from a Thanksgiving parade. There's barely any plot, most of the balloons look lackluster, the begining and ending song is terrifying, the poster is just a still from the "movie" with a generic logo slapped in it. If this thing was ever shown in a theater, I'm pretty sure it was just some local centre from wherever this was filmed. (I think it was Pennsylvania?)

Anyways, this thing is just the bottom of the barrel when it comes to filmmaking, alongside Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin), Dingo Pictures, After Last Season, and any other amateur thing that I've probably never heard about yet. Please don't watch this movie, unless you wanna see how bad it is.

Only Two Words Can Describe This...

[mikegplaysgames · 10/10 · 8 February 2018]

Only two words can describe "Fun in Balloon Land". Those two words are, "Yay yay!"

Unintentional horror.

[roboticsatori · 7/10 · 20 January 2018]

The reason why this movie was so memorable to me - Because of how unintentionally terrifying it is. All the 60's children that watched this movie probably saw these balloons in their nightmares, just like how baby boomers who went to Disneyland when they were young became terrified of Minnie and Mickey after that.

The visuals:

It's mainly the cause of the nightmare fuel in this movie. It has the quality of a camera from the 1930's (With color), filming creepy, big balloons talking to children and going through a parade. Exclude the parade and you have odd, badly-made scenery, that makes the movie even more eerie and disturbing - Giving the impression that someone kidnapped Sonny (The protagonist) and forced him to shot a home-made project.

The soundtrack:

Besides the chilling piano music, Fun in Balloon Land has a strange, jumbled circus song as its theme music, giving the impression that you're about to go to the scariest freak show you have ever seen while you're time traveling to the eighteenth century. What's even more chilling is how in the end, it gives you the same song, except in past tense. Like if the balloons killed all the children who went to Balloon Land.

The story:

The story tries to make the movie look like a magical journey from Walt Disney, but instead, Fun in Balloon Land looks like a spinoff of Candle Cove - Low budget, creepy characters and creepy backstory (This movie has no credits, and it gives no names - The actors, the production, the musicians... No names).

Sonny wakes up in Balloon Land, goes through a magical journey, and then he goes to a parade. (If Alice in Wonderland was a horror movie). Spending 20 minutes in a scary balloon land, and 30 minutes in a nightmare-fueling parade with a disturbed narrator.

Conclusion:

Fun in Balloon Land is the real life Candle Cove - And it shows. Hence why I like it. It's - unintentionally - a horror movie.

I wish I was as drunk as the narrator/commentator

[benjaminweber · 1/10 · 30 January 2018]

There will likely never be a 'film' that sabotages any attempt at a story by thrusting promotional material at the audience instead of plot, or by randomly cutting away to bland filler, to quite the extent this film does. And in case you're wondering, I have seen both The Emoji Movie and The Star Wars Holiday Special. Those films have major flaws, but this one doubles down on all of them.

This was made by a company specialising in parade balloons, in some vain attempt to promote their product, or maybe in a last ditch effort to fight off bankruptcy, who knows? There are no credits in this thing. I'm guessing it's the former, because one third of the way through, any attempt at a plot ceases to exist, and we are 'treated' to a home-video of a balloon parade with a drunk commentator dubbed over, in some cases exceptionally badly. You can tell she's drunk and not just incompetent, after all, when the parade ends the film starts reusing footage from the warehouse and parade with her slurring jokes over the top of it for another five minutes!

While the initial part lasts, for all of 15 minutes out of the total 52 (that means this film is about 1/4 plot-based, 3/4 drunk commentary, then a couple of repetitions of a poorly written theme song), we see a small child wander through a poorly made film-set, something we are reminded of by the stage-hand caught in the centre of it during one shot, and the edge of the set being clearly visible at times. This set is filled with ugly balloons of all shapes and sizes, but usually different shapes and sizes to the ones they're meant to be. Various, unrelated scenarios play out, from under the sea to the American old west, just don't ask what anyone is saying because it was all recorded on one microphone in an echoey warehouse. This goes on for some time, with the occasional intermission for a dance number, until the screen suddenly cuts to black, because it's time for the parade.

Basically everything about this is awful. If you're going to watch it to laugh at it, get a couple of friends around and make a game of mocking it. This is a slow and painful watch, more so that The Star Wars Holiday Special, despite being half the run-time.

Mania

[BandSAboutMovies · 1/10 · 24 December 2019]

Joseph M. Sonneborn Jr. has exactly one credit as a director and producer. It's this movie. One wonders if he had been kept from ever coming near a camera again after this, as this is the kind of movie that will test your resolve and perhaps, even make you question your existence.

It was written by Dorothy Brown Green, who unconfirmed sources claim is also the narrator of the most insidious Christmas movie of all time, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

While this movie is 52 minutes long, only 15 minutes of it take place in Balloonland, where we meet young Sonny. He's ended up there after his mother read him a bedtime story and he fell asleep. Now, he's inside a world filled with giant balloon people and animals.

Then, we watch a Thanksgiving parade somewhere in Pennsylvania that seems to go on forever.

If you ever wanted to watch a befuddled child wander through the warehouse of what one only imagines is a parade float company. From trying to get a prince and princess balloon to kiss to meeting the king of the sea to getting to be the sheriff of Ballonland, that's the extent of the storyline. Once Sonny fires his gun, we leave. Perhaps this is a statement on the way guns allowed the west to be tamed. It could be an indictment on the Second Amendment. Or probably just sloppy filmmaking.

Whoever is doing the talking - most think it's Dorothy Brown Green - remains bored for most of the film, until certain balloons show up and she becomes so fervently intrigued by them that you may wonder what drugs were being passed around Ballonland.

Mike Nelson of Rifftrax has said that this is his favorite movie they've ever done. Take that and understand just how frighteningly inane, insane and intense this movie gets. These are the Christmas films that I truly love, movies that make you wonder if you are even on the same plane of consciousness that you started on. They are drugs on video.

This movie is really awful! It's full of hot air!

[ironhorse_iv · 1/10 · 7 August 2018]

No wonder, why the filmmakers & producers stay uncredited for so long. Nobody, wanted to confirm that they work on this movie. It wasn't until the invite of the internet; that apparently, news broke out that the film was produced by the Giant Balloon Parades Inc. & directed by Joseph M. Sonneborn as a sneaky way to get people to check out their parade balloons for rent. However, nobody really bother, seeing this movie at the time; causing the company to go under. Those, who did see this obscure 1965's fantasy children movie; mostly, though it was borderline unwatchable. Really painful to sit through. Not fun at all! After all, the film is supposed to represent a child's dream escape into the fictional titular location, but it's more of a nightmare. The place is really, really, creepy and perverted. As soon as the protagonist, Sonny, enters "Balloonland" AKA a makeshift warehouse, he finds out that, apparently the other kids who also went there, are trap in a coma; and the only way to wake them up from that cursed, is to watch two balloons figures, make out. If that wasn't deprave enough, a disturbing man in a sea wizard costume takes Sonny in his gold lame underwear to see his seamen & have his octopus threaten to choke the kid out, if he doesn't behave. This is follow up, with a scene where a bunch of children, dress up in farmer's clothes circle jerking each other, while dancing to music, in really bad jump cut editing. Then it finally ends, with a racism & offensive, Wild West sequence involving Native Americans, in which, Sonny has to fire his gun at a stagecoach. While, it's clear that the first 15 minutes scenes of this movie were supposed to be a harmless piece of fluff. The way, it was filmed with a cheap low quality grainy home personal camera, made it seem highly pedophilia. It was not good. At least, the last 35 minutes of movie is little more, watchable; as it's largely comprised of amateur stock footage of the Gimbels Thanksgiving parade in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, from two year earlier. While, parts of it, are equally boring as the Balloonland musical sequences, there seem to be, a little more variety & talent here. Watching marching bands, clowns, majorettes twirling flaming batons & others people on the screen, is a lot better than watching only amateur ballerinas dance, poorly, any day. The only thing, annoying here, is the out of her mind commentary from the narrator, supposedly voiced by Dorothy Brown Green. Her easy getting sexually aroused attitude & drunk, disturbing made up stories about the parade balloons, made those film's part, seem very unpleasant! In truth, the movie would had probably work better, as a documentary, if they cut the first part, off & focus on the parade as the mantel piece. It could had been glorified time capsule. Since, they didn't do that, the film's structure come across, as a disorderly mess. There's little to no narrative thread to be found here. But wait! The film is still not over yet, as the film decided to pad out the remaining running time by including a game of remembering, what we just watch. Look, I know, this is there to encourage the children to participate in the film, by doing, what the narrator is asking, but it's also an insult to the child's intellectual. Most kids are not that forgetful. After all that, the film finally ends with the film's theme song by Frank E. Conner, being sung again, except it is sung in past tense. The off key singing sounds, just as creepy as the beginning of the movie. The other music in the film is just as amateurism. If that wasn't horrible, enough, the sound effects for this movie are laughable. A good example is the underwater sequence, where the foley for the air bubbles sounds like somebody taking a weed hit, off, a bong. Maybe, it was. That would explain, all the visuals in first part of the movie being so trippy. The special effects are dreadful. None of the balloons have animated mouths that make them look like they are talking. They appear static. As for the audio track, such as the voice over work for the balloon figures. Its sounds like people shouting lines across the warehouse, in order for the boom mike to hear, thus, resulting in a lot of echoes. It was all over the place. Sometimes, the volume was way too loud; other times, it sounds like helium mice are talking. As for the acting. The child performers are clearly reading from cue cards. They, also look very confused on what, they supposed to do, at times. Not only that, but they look really bored, during the performances. Even the adult actors, look indifference at times. The same, can be same with the stage crew, who didn't even bother, hiding their lighting equipment, set markings, and even themselves from the viewpoint of the camera. Overall: I can say basically everything about this, is just below standards. In truth, if you want to have some real fun; watch the 'RiffTrax' commentary version of this film. All the humorous mocking of the film is very funny. Regardless, this movie on its own, is not worth the watch. It's no 2009's 'Up', 1956's 'The Red Balloon' or 1935's 'Pincushion Man'. Those films were magically. That's for sure. This movie was just plain appalling. It can blow away for all I care.

Just read it.

[joshvonhousen · 1/10 · 16 November 2015]

Where do I even begin? The opening song? Okay! Well, this song is worse than Randy Newman. "We're having fun in Balloonland" No, we are not! "Down in cow-jumping-over-the-moon-land. Look at the float, ain't it ducky?" Ducky? What does that even mean? If it has anything to do with the movie Down And Dirty Duck, I'm not going to like this at all! "Hey, kids, now aren't we lucky?" Not if we're watching this garbage! This film was made by Giant Balloon Parades, Incorporated, so what that means is that this piece of crap is just propaganda for their company. Needless to say, they're not really around anymore. Anywho, the first scene we get after the Neutral Milk Hotel sound quality opening (Note: I actually love NMH, but that joke was way to good to resist) is a woman sitting in a chair, looking at the director to give her the cue to start reading. Seriously! She is totally waiting for her cue! After her bad acting, for some reason Sonny wakes up and finds himself in Balloon Land. Deepest sympathies, Sonny. Apparently, some magic spell has made everyone fall asleep, and the magical balloon prince has to kiss the princess so everyone can wake up. So, then we see these two 50-feet balloons kissing, which in this is just them slamming their faces together like you would do with your action figures as a child. Whatever. After that, this pedophile wizard takes Sonny underwater (I guess he has gills now) and Sonny spends his time being a jerk to a lobster by running slowly and saying "Can't catch me!" over and over. Also, the octopus threatens to choke Sonny (Please do!) but he doesn't. This movie is only 15 minutes in, but it's 52 minutes long, so they then cut to the most boring parade ever witnessed. At first, she is way too unenthusiastic to be a part of this. And I don't blame her. These are the most pointless balloons ever conceived. Seriously, they even have a balloon of a mouse running up the clock a la the "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock" rhyme. But then the narrator gets into the parade. And I mean INTO. "Wow, kids. Look at the soldier. He's so long and tall and straight. I'd let you guard me any time." What the heck? Fifty Shades of Balloons? Then the cinematographer starts creepily filming children in the crowd. Then the movie is over and they sing the opening song, but in the past tense. That is Fun In Balloon Land. What's good about this movie? The only positive is that one of Sonny's friends is actually pretty adorable, but beyond that, this is the WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! THE ACTING STINKS, THE EFFECTS SUCK, THE PLOT... WHAT PLOT?!!! IT'S THE WORST EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! I'm not surprised to find that no one is credited to this movie, and I can't help but wonder what happened to the people involved with this trash. What about Sonny? The director? The cinematographer who was guerrilla filming children? Well, I have a guess about what happened to him...

Holy crap! I think I found something worse than "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny!"

[Ddey65 · 1/10 · 2 April 2017]

***SPOILERS, WITHOUT A DOUBT!***

"This movie is a whole bunch of f***ing NOPE!" --Brad Jones

Brad "Cinema Snob" Jones, the former MST3K cast from RiffTrax, and I'm sure plenty of other people have trashed this movie royally, and for good reason. It's unbelievably horrible, repulsive, and creepy as hell beyond all possible belief, and that's being KIND! You have to have a strong tolerance for bad movies to put up with crappy attempt at a kids movie. I once said that I'd rather see preschool shows on the Disney Channel and Nickelodoeon than so-called "reality TV," but after seeing this, perhaps I'd be better off with "reality TV."

You had to have read enough of the descriptions here to know what goes on. A boy named Sonny wearing gold lame underwear is being read a bedtime story by his mother, who suddenly starts to fall asleep. Suddenly he wakes up in some warehouse full of parade balloons, and meets a prince who needs to awaken a princess, a child ballerina troop, a creepy King Neptune, a murderous octopus that he wants to befriend, a pair of mermaids, milks a cow that's smaller than the farmers, three other kids, a bunch of racially offensive Native American stereotypes, and an inflated Western Stagecoach scene.

Later on he somehow ends up in a parade, which I later learned was on the streets of Philadelphia. For some unexplained reason, I thought this might've taken place somewhere in the south. Anyway, the parade has both balloon and non-balloon floats, and is narrated by some middle-aged past-her-prime lady who somebody else described as being from New Jersey, but I think went on to narrate the Pirates World production of "Thumbelina." Or maybe it was my old first grade teacher before I met her. Who knows? Nobody is credited for this damn thing, and it's not hard to understand why. This semi-demented woman's description of what's happening in the parade is something only she seems to see. She also uses the word "gay" to mean "happy" rather than "homosexual" which EVERYBODY in modern times can easily make fun of her over. Most of the time when she's not getting sexually aroused by the footage of the parade, it seems like she's just making stuff up as she goes along. Consider the scene where "Mr. Frog" passes by. Somehow, she's convinced the frog gave this advice; "Speak rudely to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes." Listen, if my parents beat me every time I caught a cold, not only would I kill them, but I'd spend as much of my free time as I can hunting down "Mr. Frog," so I can blow his brains out too! Later on, she mentions something else about another balloon that she calls "Miss Hippo," who blew away one time. "It's no joke," she says. Really, lady? Because now you actually made me want to look up this incident.

Among the people who aren't handling the balloons, you've got a bunch of cute mid-1960's majorettes twirling flaming batons. Now I've been a sucker for girls with flip hairdos before I even entered puberty, but I also know that women used to use a lot of hair spray to get that look, and it's amazing none of them ever became human torches during that parade. Plus, you have your share of marching bands, clowns, 1965 Plymouths, and of course tons of balloons. Some of them goofy, some of them creepy, and some of them... ARRRGH! This doped up old lady is getting to me!!! She would be a clear example of why The Rolling Stones wrote "Mother's Little Helper," if her kids weren't already in college.

By the end of the movie, she wants the kids to interact with this cinematic garbage. If we know what kinds of balloons are in front of us, we're supposed to clap. If we don't, we're supposed to say "Yay-Yay." Then along the way, she changes the rules. As if the bad acting, rotten plot line, poor film quality, and senseless narration wasn't bad enough! Now she attaches a "guessing game" that none of the kids are able to follow.

I'm going to do something most people wouldn't expect; I'm going to DEFEND some aspects of the movie. I'm sure the people who made this never intended it to be a movie that child molesters use to lure kids into their basements, or garages, or wherever their lairs are, but looking at it from any time since 1967, it's hard not to believe that it is one. Next, everybody likes to make fun of it and reference Abraham Zapruder, because the thing looks like it was shot on something worse than 8mm film, despite the apparent insistence that it was shot on 35 mm film. Low quality film doesn't automatically make movies bad. Pink Flamingos was shot in 16mm, and it's a masterpiece compared to this thing. So I can understand if they plead poverty and use it as an excuse for the poor film quality, but not much else. Remember, boys and girls, if you want to have some fun, stay the hell away from Balloon Land U.S.A., unless you're on drugs, are emotionally disturbed, or just have a really twisted side to your personality that will help you make fun of it!

A "movie" that takes bad to new levels

[cgearheart · 1/10 · 23 November 2022]

I felt many emotions while on my egregious odyssey through the horrors of balloon land, but "fun" is definitely not an adjective I'd be comfortable with using to describe the tedium and mind numbing insanity inflicted on me while staring into the abyss of this oddly transgressive and borderline creepy "movie" that's really just a very annoying home movie that washed up onto the shores of hell. I swear to all living/breathing beings that enjoy films that I'm not exaggerating when I say this is honest to god the single worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It's so tedious, annoying, poorly made, and irrelevantly ridiculous that it exceeds new levels of badness I didn't even think were possible. I laugh when I hear friends of mine say how bad The Last Airbender or Green Lantern are and take so much solace knowing they'll never be subjected to the IQ dropping levels of stupidity found in Fun in Balloon Land.

F-

-1/10.

Why does this even have an IMDb entry?

[soulexpress · 1/10 · 14 September 2018]

So if a movie was filmed, edited, released, and seen by more people than just the director and his mom, it gets an entry on IMDb? You learn something new every day!