Ted (2012)

Aedin Mincks: Robert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted : All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way. What do you want to do? You want to play a game? It's playtime, right? We'll play a game.

  Robert : Yeah, I want to play a game.

  Ted : Good, good. Uh, all right. Let's see. How about... How about we play a little game of hide and seek?

  Robert : I love hide and seek. I'll hide.

  Ted : Wait now, hang on a sec, there. Your dad likes you to show good manners. Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck?

  Robert : Okay, you hide first.

  Ted : Great. Fantastic. Okay, now you count to a hundred, and then you try to find me, okay?

  Robert : Okay. Uh, do I need to wash my hands before I play this game?

  Ted : No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.

• Robert : You can't have my Teddy bear!

  [Charges John and Lori at full speed. John punches him in the nose, knocking him unconscious to the ground] 

  Lori : Jesus!

  John : I'm sorry, but somebody had to go all Joan Crawford on his ass!

• Donny : Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but uh, my-my son and I couldn't help but admire your teddy bear.

  John : Oh. Oh, thank you.

  Ted : Thanks.

  Donny : Yeah. I-I'm Donny, this is Robert. I, uh... I have to say, I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and, uh... and I remember seeing you on the Carson show. You were just wonderful.

  Ted : Oh, yeah, that was uh... that was a weird interview. Ed thought I was ALF, and he kept muttering anti-Semitic comments.

  Donny : Hey-hey um...

  Ted : He thought ALF was Jewish for some reason.

  Donny : Have you ever considered selling the bear?

  John : What?

  Ted : Excuse me?

  Robert : I want it.

  Ted : [defensively]  Hey, I'm not an "it", pal. I'm a "he", all right?

  John : [stammers and stands up while speaking in a calm tone]  I'm sorry, little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've- I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.

  Robert : Stand up straight when you're talking to me.

  John : Why the fuck would he say that?

  Donny : Sorry, you know, you really shouldn't swear in front of children. Uh... Look, we're very interested in the bear. If- if you want to make some sort of arrangement, here's my address and phone number. And uh... you can call me any time, okay?

  John : Will do. Look. Here it goes, in the really important pocket for really important stuff. Okay? Okay.

  Donny : Okay.

  John : See you later.

  Donny : Hey. Come on, Robert.

  Ted : Take it easy.

• Robert : Stand up straight when you're talking to me.

  John : Why the fuck would he say that?

  Donny : Sorry, you really shouldn't swear in front of children.

• Robert : Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.

  Donny : Yes, you are, my little chipmunk. Happy playtime.

  Ted : Jesus fucking Christ!

  Robert : I said a bad word one time. Daddy punished me for it.

  Ted : That's a great story. I felt like I was there.

  Robert : Daddy gave me an ouch. Now, I have to give you an ouch.

  [tears Ted's ear off]