Community (TV Series)
Asian Population Studies (2011)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Troy Barnes : If someone had sex with Chang and get to not remember it happened, that's a gift from God. I'm not taking that away from her.
Pierce Hawthorne : Here's a good reason. You ever find parsley in your teeth that your friends hadn't told you about? Now imagine your teeth are a uterus, and the parsley is a half-Chinese baby.
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Troy Barnes : Okay. I have to figure out if Shirley did it with her ex-husband the week after Halloween.
Pierce Hawthorne : How are you gonna do that?
Troy Barnes : I got moves.
[Approaches Andre]
Troy Barnes : So, bun in the oven. Guess it's no surprise, after working on it.
Andre Bennett : I wouldn't quite say working on it, just kind of happens.
Troy Barnes : Oh, yeah, I do. Especially when the season's right. Oh. Dead leaves. Pumpkins everywhere. Nature's Viagra, right?
Andre Bennett : I guess.
Troy Barnes : And then when all the pumpkins just start to rot and all the children have removed their outfits because they've already gotten their candy.
Andre Bennett : You know, I'm gonna go talk to some other people, all right?
[He leaves]
Pierce Hawthorne : So?
Troy Barnes : His mind is like a fortress.
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Troy Barnes : Remember that Halloween party that none of us can remember?
Pierce Hawthorne : I don't remember anything we can remember.
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Jeff Winger : Hey, guys, I want you to meet someone.
Quendra : My name's Quendra, I spell it with a Q-U.
Jeff Winger : She's thinking about taking anthropology. So maybe she would make a nice addition or two to our study group.
[Annie overhears and looks over her shoulder]
Jeff Winger : Something to consider.
Quendra : [to Troy] Are you Abed? I love Star Wars.
Jeff Winger : That's Troy.
Quendra : I love footballs.
Troy Barnes : Jeff, we're dealing with heavier things right now than your shameless lobbying.
Annie Edison : [gasps excitedly] Rich brought kettle corn!
Troy Barnes : Kettle corn? That's a fun-time snack.
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Andre Bennett : Hey, how about a round of soft serve on me?
[Andre exits]
Shirley Bennett : Isn't he handsome?
Britta Perry : Shirley, I've been fed a lot of soft serve by a lot of guys. Sometimes it's rent money, sometimes it's Chili Peppers tickets. And, yeah, I'll admit it, one time it was a gym bag full of nickels. But it never lasts and they never change.
Shirley Bennett : Britta, I'm a grown-ass woman and I made my decision.
Britta Perry : How do you know it's the right one?
Shirley Bennett : Because I'm pregnant, okay? I was going to wait to share my exciting news, but now's a good time to tell you that I am eight weeks along. Which is a little surprising.
Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : Halloween.
Shirley Bennett : What?
Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : Nothing.
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Ben Chang : [from the top of a bookcase above the group] "Chang" the subject.
Troy Barnes , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Abed Nadir , Pierce Hawthorne , Shirley Bennett , Britta Perry : [shocked] Aah!
Troy Barnes : [loudly] What are you doing up there?
Ben Chang : It's the beginning of a new semester of anthropology and I'm here to get what I was promised.
Jeff Winger : Sure. Who her has Chang's pile of nothing?
Ben Chang : You know what I mean. I'm sick of the run-around. I'm here to demand an immediate answer about whether I'm joining the study group.
Jeff Winger : Well, if we have to give an immediate answer, it would have to be no.
Ben Chang : Take your time. Sleep on it. Then get back to me, or else.
Annie Edison : Jeff, you did say we would let him in eventually.
Jeff Winger : That was before he started using his name as a pun. It makes me so Changry.
[Annie gasps]
Jeff Winger : Oh, God, it's happening to me.
Troy Barnes : Let's get back to who Annie's in love with. Is it Fat Neil?
Abed Nadir : Bluestreak?
Pierce Hawthorne : Pierce: Optimus Prime?
Annie Edison : Ok, even I know some of these are Transformers.
Jeff Winger : [irritatedly] Who cares who it is? Let's just study.
Abed Nadir : Study what? We haven't had our first class yet.
Jeff Winger : [insistently] Well, can we talk about something other than Annie's love life?
Shirley Bennett : [smiles and nods her head] We could talk about my love life.
Jeff Winger : Is it Jean Claude Van Overbite?
[Annie rolls her eyes]
Abed Nadir : We should really start learning people's names.
Jeff Winger : I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.
[Abed mimics gunshot at Jeff in agreement]
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Jeff Winger : Hey, guys, I want you to meet someone.
Quendra : My name's Quendra, I spell it with a Q-U.
Jeff Winger : She's thinking about taking anthropology. So maybe she would make a nice addition or two to our study group.
[Annie overhears and looks over her shoulder]
Jeff Winger : Something to consider.
Quendra : Are you Abed? I love Star Wars.
Jeff Winger : That's Troy.
Quendra : I love footballs.
Troy Barnes : Jeff, we're dealing with heavier things right now than your shameless lobbying.
Annie Edison : [gasps excitedly] Rich brought kettle corn!
Troy Barnes : Kettle corn? That's a fun-time snack.
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Abed Nadir : Dr Rich, What sets your kettle corn apart?
Rich : Well, it's a secret ingredient, a couple extra pinches of love.
Troy Barnes : Oh. You can't beat that.
Abed Nadir : That feels good.
Jeff Winger : Not this again. Rich, you know they're doing a fake morning show. There are no cameras.
Rich : Rich: I know. It's just a fun way to start the day. So grab a paddle, partner, and hop on in here.
Jeff Winger : You know what, that does sound...
[turns and exits]
Rich : Yeah.
Abed Nadir , Rich , Troy Barnes : Troy and Abed in the morning
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Troy Barnes : I'm relieved Shirley is seeing her ex-husband and not Chang.
Pierce Hawthorne : Chang, why would she be with Chang?
Troy Barnes : Why do I have to say everything I'm thinking? I wish my mouth was further away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain. I wish Chang hadn't had sex with Shirley.
Pierce Hawthorne : What? When? Where? How?
Troy Barnes : I can't talk about it.
Pierce Hawthorne : Troy, I'm your roommate. I can keep a secret.
Troy Barnes : Okay, remember that Halloween party that none of us can remember?
Pierce Hawthorne : I don't remember anything we can remember.
Troy Barnes : Well, Chang left me a message that night saying they did it, but you can't tell anybody.
Pierce Hawthorne : You have my word as your roommate, and that is a bond I will never violate.
[begins typing on his phone]
Troy Barnes : [snatches Pierce's Phone] You can't tweet it either.
Pierce Hawthorne : We never discussed new media.
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Troy Barnes : Why are you using your l-Iove-butterflies voice?
Annie Edison : What? Am I? I don't know. Volunteer work is nice. You do nice things with nice people.
Troy Barnes , Britta Perry , Jeff Winger , Pierce Hawthorne , Shirley Bennett : Ooh.
Britta Perry : Somebody's finding river fingers with a cute boy.
Annie Edison : What? No. Well, okay, yes, but it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy.
[Jeff looks concerned]
Abed Nadir : A guy that goes to Greendale?
Annie Edison : Mm-hm
Abed Nadir : Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?
Annie Edison : It doesn't matter.
Troy Barnes : Is it the guy who looks like Vince Vaughn but smells like fish?
Annie Edison : I don't wanna talk about it.
Shirley Bennett : Well, I have someone in my life that I'm happy to talk about.
Britta Perry : Again with the Jesus.
Shirley Bennett : Jesus is always in my life, but things have been looking better every day with my ex-husband.
[Britta's smile fades to concern]
Abed Nadir : Is it the guy that looks like Anderson Cooper, but with a soul patch and the ponytail?
Annie Edison : [insistently] No.
Troy Barnes : Is it black Michael Chiklis?
Annie Edison : [irritatedly] No!
Pierce Hawthorne : White George Foreman?
Britta Perry : You guys are talking about the same person. He's bi-racial, his name is David, and he's a human being.
Annie Edison : Guys, stop guessing. It's not a thing at all, it's just a friend. Change the subject.