Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Space Jam (2008)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Let me make one thing perfectly clear to all you Warner Brothers representatives out there: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I can't believe I have to say this: We don't want to fuck bunnies. I mean, we're people; therefore we like to fuck other people. I'm sure there's some small percentage of people out there that like to fuck bunnies, but that hardly seems like a very profitable demographic. I mean, I put it to you: Have you ever seen a bunny that you actually had the hots for?

  [shows picture of Playboy Bunny girls] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That doesn't count!

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, so aside from promoting beastiality to kids, all the Looney Tunes characters, Bugs, Daffy, Taz, ho

  [Lola] 

  Nostalgia Critic : and so forth pretty much get their animated asses handed to them. And trust me when I say nobody is spared.

• Nostalgia Critic : Dude, did they just beat the shit out of Granny? They did! They just beat the shit out of Granny. They actually tackled, punched and kicked an innocent old lady who harmed anyone in her life... Can I see it again?

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, I see. It's because of the Looney Tunes that Michael Jordan came back to basketball. Ah ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha... GOD, THIS MOVIE SUCKS!

• Nostalgia Critic : Lola, turns out, is a girl bunny they created to bring in more of the female demographic. Unfortunately they didn't really make her fun, silly, goofy or zany, in fact, they didn't give her any personality at all, they just tried to pose her off as some sort of strange sex-symbol. Which is kinda weird because she is in fact, a rabbit. She's not a person, she's a rabbit. If it was a person, maybe it would make a little bit more sense to make her a sex symbol, but she is in fact, a rabbit.

  [pause] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Why would anyone wanna fuck a rabbit? What sense does that make? Rabbits aren't sexy, rabbits are... food! I mean look at her, they dress her in skimpy clothes, they make her wear short shorts. Oh, and here's the biggest insult of all: They actually gave her bunny boobies. Bunny boobies! I mean, what kind of sick, twisted pervert actually gives a cartoon character bunny boobies? I mean, if that hasenpfeffer hussy actually has female genitalia, what does that mean the other Looney Tunes characters have?

  Sylvester : We've got balls!

  Nostalgia Critic : STOP! STOP!

• Nostalgia Critic : We see Michael Jordan during those embarrassing years when he actually took up baseball instead of basketball. And that's not bad writing! That actually happened.