- Henry: Hey, Mark. Don't fuck with me.
- Nostalgia Critic: [written on cue cards:] The Home Alone kid just said "don't fuck with me."
- Henry: Don't fuck with me.
- Nostalgia Critic: [written on cue cards:] I can actually feel my childhood dying.
- Commercial announcer: Good times. Good memories. Good gracious, what a day. Folgers, partaking in every artificial moment.
- Nostalgia Critic: [Henry smokes a cigarette; written on cue cards:] So? Drew Barrymore was on that stuff at half your age!
- Commercial announcer: Can't sleep? Helping your nephew deal with dead mother issues? At least you're wearing a robe from Sears. Making boys think their mothers have come back from the dead every day.
- Henry: I want to tuck in my kid sister.
- Nostalgia Critic: [through on screen text] Just like how Michael Jackson showed me.
- [audience boos]
- Nostalgia Critic: [through on screen text] I love how a friggin' child psychologist can't tell that a kid talking like a damn robot is lying!
- Nostalgia Critic: [Subtitled as Henry starts running away] Culkin then runs away as it suddenly turns into the opening of The Fugitive.
- Henry's Mom: Henry. Henry, no. Henry!
- Tommy Lee Jones: Ladies and gentlemen! Our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes.
- [cuts to Henry running through the woods]
- Tommy Lee Jones: What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard target search
- [cuts to Henry running]
- Tommy Lee Jones: of every gas station,
- [cuts to Henry running]
- Tommy Lee Jones: residence,
- [cuts to Henry running]
- Tommy Lee Jones: warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse
- [cuts to Henry running]
- Tommy Lee Jones: and doghouse in that area!