Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Top 11 Cereal Mascots (2009)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, Lucky Charms Leprechaun

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Tony the Tiger. If you didn't like him, then you're a grrrreat big douchebag!

  [gives the finger] 

• Nostalgia Critic : Did you say, "Hookers and blow"? Oh no, you said, "Honey and nuts." That's not nearly as good.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Larry Kenney as the voice of the Cocoa Puffs bird]  What the hell happens to a guy who goes from playing a butch, manly superhero into a crazy, addictive bird? I'll tell you what happens: PUFFS happens!

• Nostalgia Critic : Getting its start in 1987, Cinnamon Toast Crunch didn't just have Wendell, but actually two other chefs. What were their names? NOBODY KNOWS! In fact, Wendell is the only one who ever had a name and identity out of these three. Isn't that a little strange?

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Cinnamon Toast Crunch]  The gimmick was now changed: now the scenario was that Wendell would go crazy every time he saw Cinnamon Toast Crunch and would immediately go after it. And where did the other two chefs go? NOBODY KNOWS! My guess is that Wendell had them assassinated. Somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, you'll find two chefs with cement shoes and a cookie crook next to a cookie cop. They had to go somewhere!

• Nostalgia Critic : There are dozens of cereals out there, but only a distinct few seem to survive over the years. Is it really the taste of the cereal that keeps kids coming back, or is it the mascots, the timeless characters that go through many changes but still keep the same likeability over the decades? No, it's obviously the taste, but, the mascots play a big role, and that's why I'm counting the top eleven best sugar-coated marketing icons of all time. Why top eleven? Because I like to go one step beyond.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Cookie Crisp]  What, you can't see the natural evolution of going from a Merlin-style wizard into a sport-centered husky? Well, someone needs to take some logic classes.

• Nostalgia Critic : Everyone else thinks Lindsay Lohan got addicted to drugs? Not a chance. It was Puffs! Tennessee Williams addicted to alcohol? Not even close. It was Puffs!

  [shows off images of Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe and Vincent Van Gogh, in that order, while saying:] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Puffs! Puffs! Puffs! Remember, kids, life may be rough, but don't do the Puffs.

  [Pee-wee Herman's infamous drug PSA is shown] 

  Pee-wee Herman : It isn't glamorous or cool or kids' stuff.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Lucky Charms]  Wouldn't you be pissed off if you caught a leprechaun and instead of gold, you got a frickin' bowl of cereal?

  [the Lucky Charms leprechaun appears beside the Critic] 

  Lucky Charms Leprechaun : Now that you've caught me, you get me Lucky Charms.

  Nostalgia Critic : Uh, no, I want the gold.

  Lucky Charms Leprechaun : No, you want Lucky Charms.

  Nostalgia Critic : No, I want the gold.

  Lucky Charms Leprechaun : No, you want Lucky Charms.

  Nostalgia Critic : I'm quite positive I want the gold.

  Lucky Charms Leprechaun : Well, if you want to deny the sweet taste of...

  [the Critic punches the leprechaun on the top of the head, knocking him down] 

  Nostalgia Critic : There, now you're dead. How do you like that?

  [spits on the leprechaun] 

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Sugar Bear]  He's like if the Dude was on steroids; he's freakin' awesome.

• [Sugar Bear has handily defeated a bad guy who pollutes the air] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Take that, Al Gore!

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Count Chocula cereal]  As horrible as it is for you, it tasted great, and it had a great mascot. In fact, it was so good, that there are actually cereal spinoffs. That's ironic, because the more healthy they got, the less successful they did. Like Frankenberry's still sort of around, Boo Berry you barely see, and who the hell even remembers Fruity Yummy Mummy? What, was Vegetable Lecter too good a name to take?

• [the Critic is describing Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry] 

  Nostalgia Critic : It was kind of clever that they always took the voice of the movie monster they were spoofing; like Count Chocula is Bela Lugosi, Frankenberry is Boris Karloff, and for some reason, Boo Berry was Peter Lorre. Did he ever played a ghost? Ah, well, he's dead now, so maybe that counts.

• Nostalgia Critic : [referring to the Flintstones, mascots of Pebbles cereals]  No, they're not gonna make it on the countdown because they were already on a show. It's like putting Jack Sparrow on the list because of the Pirates of the Caribbean cereal. It just doesn't seem right.

  [a Flintstones-themed commercial for Winston cigarettes is shown briefly] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That, and they promote smoking. Dude, that's just wrong.

  Fred Flintstone : [singing the Winston jingle]  Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about the Trix Rabbit]  This character is like a Greek tragedy. Along with Oedipus and Antigni, the Trix Rabbit will always be remembered as a great tragic figure. All he wants is Trix, just a simple little cereal that he decided to devote his entire life to. But will the kids ever give him the damn stuff? NO! And why?

  Kid in Trix commercial : Trix are for kids!

  Nostalgia Critic : Because they're fucking assholes, that's why! It's like the natural order of things: the world goes around, the sun always comes up, and the Trix Rabbit must suffer. How horribly cruel!