- Martin Lawrence: [singing drunkenly] "I'm sittin' on top of the world, just rollin' along, just rollin' along... "
- Johnny Midnight: You may be playwright of the year, but as far as your singing, you'll never win a prize there.
- Martin Lawrence: How 'bout my dancing?
- Johnny Midnight: Fred Astaire... on crutches!
- [both men laugh]
- Martin Lawrence: That's another thing, Johnny, about the Society, I mean. I wish Vera were there to see it. That silly stag rule. Stag - that's old hat!
- Johnny Midnight: You mean you'd wish those long speeches on the girls, too?
- Vera: [Blubbering after being caught kissing Paul] Martin, oh, Martin, please, I love you. I love you, not him, you. Oh, darling, I haven't been unfaithful.
- Martin Lawrence: Oh, stop it. You sound like old daytime radio.
- Lt. McKee: Tell me, how would it be like if starting tomorrow I walked into your theater and started to direct one of your plays?
- Johnny Midnight: Oh, it'd be all right, if you could handle it.
- Lt. McKee: If I could I wouldn't - I hate amateurs!
- Johnny Midnight: I'm not trying to step on your toes, McKee.
- Lt. McKee: You guys with the hobbies make me sick. Barney, don't forget to check the windows.
- Johnny Midnight: I already checked. They're locked from the inside.
- Lt. McKee: Thanks. Thanks very much. If you had to have a hobby, why couldn't it be hooked rugs?
- Johnny Midnight: I'll tell you something, McKee. I investigate crime because my whole life has been a study of human motivation, and in that field I'll match my professionalism against yours any day.
- Johnny Midnight: [Narration] Martin had given me a description of the hired killer. I learned quickly that his name was Gypper. But it was a long day before some carefully placed tens and twenties took effect. Finally, with the night, my luck changed. I got a break... for a price, of course.
- Johnny Midnight: Martin Lawrence hired you to kill Paul Davis, and you killed him!
- Gypper: No! No, I swear, I took the contract but I didn't make the hit. When I got there, he was already on ice.
- Johnny Midnight: I take it he had enemies.
- Lynn: He was a man, wasn't he?
- Johnny Midnight: What does that mean?
- Lynn: That he was a double dealer. Like all men. They're all double dealers.
- Johnny Midnight: McKee, for a professional , that's just excellent. Stay with it; you're doing fine.