House M.D. (TV Series)

Selfish (2010)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : People who have not seen Cuddy naked should not throw stones.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : HR can't find you a new supervisor.

  Dr. Gregory House : How come?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Because you're unsuperviseable, House. Two department chairs threatened to quit.

• Dr. Gregory House : I'm seeing Cuddy... Generally, without her clothes on. Use your imagination. Hope it's got a wide-angle lens.

  [House chuckles then takes a folder from Wilson] 

  Dr. Gregory House : You don't actually need that.

  Dr. James Wilson : [Rising up]  I'm gonna go check my office for whoopee cushions.

  Dr. Gregory House : This is not a prank.

  Dr. James Wilson : This not me walking out the door.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : If I confirm it, can we leave?

  Dr. Gregory House : Yes.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It's true.

  [pause. Cuddy gives House a quick kiss] 

  Dr. James Wilson : I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.

  Dr. Gregory House : Mabel? Up high!

  [House raises his right hand. Pause. Cuddy grabs the front of House's pants] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : We done here?

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : That fight... it was the first honest interaction you and I have had since we came back to work. If we are painfully, brutally honest with each other, maybe we'll get lucky again.

  Dr. Gregory House : You've got a big ass.

• Ernest : Now, how would you describe the exact nature of the relationship?

  Dr. Gregory House : Have you ever seen Wild Kingdom? Those insects that rip their partners' heads off after copulating.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It's a sexual relationship.

  Dr. Gregory House : Go slowly now. He's writing it down.

• Ernest : We'll also need to watch for any favoritism toward Dr. House.

  Dr. Gregory House : Does that mean she has to sleep with everyone?

• Dr. Taub : What's with the Death's head cane?

  Dr. Gregory House : They didn't have a Death's ass cane in my size.

• Dr. Gregory House : I can't handle it.

  Dr. James Wilson : What happened?

  Dr. Gregory House : She said yes. I heard "no." I didn't actually hear "no." I just was sure that's what she meant. The way she tilted her head and half arched her eyebrow. Why do I even care what she meant? She said "yes." That's all that matters. I'm screwing this up.

• Della : Cold's nothing when I think of what Hugo goes through everyday.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah. I get it. Your brother - the saint. His sister - the martyr.

• Dr. Gregory House : This is screwing me up. Why is it not screwing you up?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It is... I don't know why I okayed you foaming that lung. I realized it was wrong as soon as I said it.

  Dr. Gregory House : I knew it! I knew cause you tilted your head.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : House... we are screwing this up. I'm gonna call HR. Find someone else to supervise you as soon as I can.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : France. And not Paris or the Riviera. But there's this place in Normandy. It's on a tidal island. Everyone who's not staying in one of the small inns has to leave before the tide comes in. You have this 900-year-old fortress all to yourself. It's called...

  Dr. Gregory House : Mont-Saint-Michel.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I believe that I can still supervise Dr. House effectively, but we both want to follow hospital policy to the letter.

  Ernest : Our concern is to make sure that there's no conflict of interest, no liability for the hospital...

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You think we're gonna sue if things go south?

  Dr. Gregory House : Let me tell you, she actually does go...

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : House. Let him talk.

• Ernest : Are there any supervisory issues with Dr. House's current caseload?

  Dr. Gregory House : Nope. Current case is solved. Patient has long QT, we're gonna scare her into a cardiac arrest to confirm.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : No, we're not.

  Dr. Gregory House : Okay. No, we're not. See? Everything is under control.

• Dr. Gregory House : She's bleeding to death, out of her lung. I want to fill a quarter of it with foam. That'd stop the bleeding, all right. Thought it made more sense than diet and exercise. And if she doesn't have enough lung function left, you'll have killed her. The only alternative is slowly suturing the lung, hoping the bleeding stops in time and she doesn't die on her own. But we would walk away with clean hands. Except for all the blood.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You're right. Faster and riskier is better. Foam the lung.

  Dr. Robert Chase : You got a green light?

  Dr. Gregory House : No. Suture the lung.

• Dr. Gregory House : Cat got your legs?

  Dr. Taub : We just decided to give meds that could kill the patient, based on a guess. You need approval from Cuddy. And she'll want to take the safer course. And you're gonna fold like an origami crane. So I'll just wait here until we get our actual orders.

  Dr. Gregory House : Fine. You do it. Tell her she's being an idiot for always choosing the safer course. She's sitting on her ample, if well-formed, bureaucratic ass while our patient's dying. We'll see who folds like an origami shrimp.

• Dr. Gregory House : If she'd told us about her symptoms sooner - like *ever* -she might not be dying. You were right after all.

  Dr. Taub : I never said sickle...

  Dr. Gregory House : "If everyone were more selfish, the world would be a better place."

• Maurice : I can't do anything without him helping me like I'm senile. If I go back there, I'm gonna rip his throat out.

  Dr. Gregory House : You sure you won't warm up to him over time?

  Maurice : Skip the blood work. Tell my son it's grim news, I need to be in a nursing home - a private room, make it a suite.

  [Hands House some cash] 

• Ernest : I know that you're not going to sue, because you are both going to sign love contracts, consensual relationship agreements.

  Dr. Gregory House : Well, obviously outside counsel will have to review the crotchless undies clause.