Eric & Ernie (2011 TV Movie)

Victoria Wood: Sadie Bartholomew

Quotes 

• Sadie Bartholomew : Do you know what's holding 'em back?

  George Bartholomew : The War?

• [Eric and Ernie have just done their first television show and it has received very poor newspaper reviews. Even Eric's mother thinks it was a disaster] 

  Sadie Bartholomew : [shouting]  I can't show me face outside the house! I think we're going to have to move! I told you time and time again to trust your own material! I drummed it into you! And what do you do the moment me back's turned? You forget *everything*!

  [Eric walks off and finds his dad sitting alone] 

  Eric Morecambe : Can I borrow your bike?

  George Bartholomew : Where are you planning on going?

  Eric Morecambe : Anywhere that they don't have televisions.

  George Bartholomew : You could try Barrow-on-Furness. You'll soon be back - people'll forget.

  Eric Morecambe : They won't forget this.

  [Eric shows George a newspaper cutting of a TV critic's article] 

  Eric Morecambe : Here, read that.

  George Bartholomew : "Definition of a TV - the box they buried Morecambe and Wise in last night". You know what I think. There's nothing harder to find than yesterday's paper.

• [Eric and his mother discuss the disastrous TV series] 

  Sadie Bartholomew : How long are you going to keep this up - this sulking malarkey. You used to sulk when I made you wear that schoolboy outfit - right up till when it got you a big laugh.

  Eric Morecambe : Television isn't about dressing up as a schoolboy and singing, you know.

  Sadie Bartholomew : Well it certainly isn't about being funny. Not if what I saw you two do is anything to go by.

  Eric Morecambe : [sarcastically]  Don't go easy on me just because we're related, will you.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I don't know how to soft-pedal - it's not in me nature.

  Eric Morecambe : You don't have to tell me that.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'm hard on you because you and Ernie are better than that. When I saw you on that television show, doing that *tripe*... Biggest break? Your chance? You forgot everything. You and Ernie *know* what's funny. You know what plays funny, you know what tells funny. You must have known deep-down that material was not funny.

  Eric Morecambe : What d'you want me to say?

  Sadie Bartholomew : You could start by telling me I'm right.

  [Ernie is lost for words. He knows his mother is right but he can't admit it] 

  Eric Morecambe : I'm sorry if you feel we've let you down.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'll get over it. Will you?

• [Eric's mother is pushing him into a career as a dancer, but his heart isn't in it. He has just won a children's talent competition doing an embarrassing song-and-dance routine] 

  George Bartholomew : [conspiratorially, to Eric]  Never mind, son. Happen you'll lose next time.

  Sadie Bartholomew : [grimly]  I heard that!

• [Eric has just learned that he has won the Jack Hylton audition and will be taking part in the "Youth Takes a Bow" stage show, touring the country alongside Ernie Wise] 

  Young Eric : Touring the country? When will I see my mates?

  Sadie Bartholomew : You'll make new mates - Variety mates - mates with a bit of something about them.

  Young Eric : I don't want Variety mates. I've got a gang here - *and* an air-gun!

  Sadie Bartholomew : Eric, d'you want to be tied to a whistle all your life, like your dad?

  Young Eric : Well...

  Sadie Bartholomew : Eric, listen to me. You make people laugh, you're a lovely dancer, and you can hold a tune. But *more* than that, and I mean this as the mother who carried you and nursed you and raised you, you aren't any good at anything else.

• [Sadie is searching frantically under the bed and emerges holding a suitcase full of papers] 

  George Bartholomew : What the bloody hell are you doing?

  Sadie Bartholomew : Finding them new material. I'll get Eric to go round to Ernie's tomorrow. Bash their heads together.

  George Bartholomew : No, Sadie!

  Sadie Bartholomew : What do you mean, "no"? Push, push, push. That's what I do. It's what our Eric needs.

  George Bartholomew : Well maybe it's time you stopped pushing.

  Sadie Bartholomew : You saying I pushed him into it?

  George Bartholomew : Nobody's saying that, Sadie. You were right to push him and I'm glad you did. But... what I saying is... *He's* got to do the pushing now. *He's* got to go down to Ernie. He's got to do it for himself. He's got to *want* to do it himself.

  Sadie Bartholomew : Well, beggar me! You don't put your foot down for twenty-five years of married life, and when you finally do, you're wrong!

• [Sadie has turned up at the theatre without a ticket] 

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'm Eric Morecambe's mother.

  Usherette : I'm afraid I can't let you in without a ticket.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I don't need a ticket - I'm his *mother*.

  Usherette : How do *I* know that?

  Sadie Bartholomew : Did you see their television show? D'you think I'd own up to that if it wasn't true.

• Little Eric : [pretending he got shot and is about to die, his mother standing next to him]  Ma. I can see Ma!

  Sadie Bartholomew : And she's not laughing.

  Little Eric : Just entertaining the lads.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'll entertain you in a minute!

  Sadie Bartholomew : You can't play Cowboys and Indians all your life.

  Little Eric : Can't I?

  Sadie Bartholomew : Home! Now! Or you'll be late for your dance class.