Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

The First Couple: TMNT (2010)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, this was back in the day when science goo could just do anything. You could make up the most absurd reasoning that has no scientific logic, but it's science goo, so it flies. For example, let's see what happens when I take this jar of Philadelphia cream cheese and pour science goo all over it...

  [bright light flashes; a packaged Dennis Miller doll now sits where the cream cheese was] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Dammit! It always turns into a 12" talking doll of Dennis Miller. Science fucking sucks, man. Science fucking sucks!

  Dennis Miller Doll : [Critic presses talking button]  What if those crop circles are ads for Target?

• Nostalgia Critic : [imitating Donatello]  Turtles cheat with honor!

• Nostalgia Critic : [as April O'Neil slides through a narrow gutter]  Um bullshit. With breasts that big, you couldn't even fit down one of the pipes from Super Mario Bros.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, I just remembered the reasons I love her so much: one on the left, and one on the right.

• Nostalgia Critic : [imitating announcer]  This week on... SeeFee? S-Y-F-Y? Eh, Um, that wrestling channel.

• Nostalgia Critic : [Horrified at the Neutrinos' dialogue]  Oh my God, it's the worst combination possible! Beatniks AND hippies!

• Nostalgia Critic : So, the Turtles reach the Technodrome and

  [He laughs as they drive out of a tunnel right where the Technodrome is] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait. How do they just drive the van hundreds of feet underground? What are there, like, tours that go through there?

  [as a tour guide] 

  Nostalgia Critic : And to your right you'll see a giant Lego igloo.

  [as a crowd] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oooooh!

• Nostalgia Critic : [as Donatello, seeing Michelangelo having a short lived romance with a Neutrino]  Turtles fight with jailbait!

• Nostalgia Critic : Now, really, folks, if you're approached by a person with a business proposition who looks like Darth Vader mixed with a cheesegrater, you probably shouldn't do business with him. Just straight-up common sense.