- [the call center employees are all handling recall notices]
- Manmeet: Sir, I'm sorry for the horrible misunderstanding. I can give you a full refund.
- Asha: Yes, that is why the ghost costumes have to be recalled.
- Gupta: I'm so sorry, sir. There was a mistake at the factory. The head of the ghost costume is supposed to be rounded.
- [Rajiv enters wearing the defective ghost costume, which looks suspiciously like a KKK robe]
- Rajiv: I don't know why we have to recall these. They look fine to me.
- Todd: Please take that off.
- Rajiv: What is defective about this? It is still perfectly scary.
- Todd: In a very different way than we intended.
- Gupta: Todd. Todd! I may have a buyer for the ghost costumes. I'm on the line with a man who claims to be an exalted wizard. He's willing to order 50 of them. He just wants to know, are they flame retardant?
- Rajiv: [looks at the tag] Not in the slightest.
- [Gupta starts to walk away]
- Todd: Wait. Tell him they are and take the order.
- Gupta: [on the phone] Hello, Mr. Wizard. You are in luck...
- [about the company retreat which includes horseback riding]
- Gupta: I will be in my element. I come from a long line of horsemen.
- Todd Dempsy: I didn't know you rode horses, Gupta.
- Gupta: No, I said "horsemen", not "horse riders". We braid the tails, clean the hooves, masturbate them for breeding.
- Todd Dempsy: Oh god... Okay, just to be clear, we're only going to be *riding* the horses. I don't want the ruin our picnic.
- Gupta: When they whinny, you know you've done a good job.
- [Tonya is trying to hook Charlie up with a friend]
- Charlie: Tell me about the prey.
- Tonya: Her name is Veena. I've met her a few times. She's friendly, single and approachable.
- Charlie: All right. Lock and load.
- Tonya: Good luck, mate. Happy hunting.
- Charlie: [approaches Veena] Hi, I'm Charlie. I couldn't help noticing you. And I'm sure you noticed me. I'm like the only slice of white bread in this pumpernickel world.
- Veena: Excuse me?
- Charlie: I was thinking, if you're free tomorrow night...
- Veena: Sorry, you're not my type.
- Tonya: [rushes forward] Hang on. You didn't even give him a chance. I mean, I know he's a little gruff on the outside, but he's decent and sweet and you'd be lucky to go out with him.
- Veena: I'm not interested in Charlie. I'm interested in you.
- Tonya, Charlie: Oh.
- Veena: I have been for a long time. I've just been trying to figure out how to ask you out.
- Tonya: Sorry, Veena. I'm actually seeing someone.
- Charlie: Whoa, wait. You didn't even give her a chance. She may seem gruff on the outside...
- Tonya: Charlie... not gonna happen.
- Charlie: C'mon. It's like wrestling but with two winners.
- Tonya: Sorry, I kind of led you into an ambush.
- Charlie: Are you kidding? You said nice things about me. I got to see hot girl-on-girl flirting. Best day I've had in a long time.
- Tonya: Really? You're not discouraged?
- Charlie: Hell no. You've got my confidence sky high. I'm in the game now.
- [approaches an attractive woman]
- Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. I couldn't help noticing you.
- Woman #1: Not going to happen.
- Charlie: [approaching another woman] Hi, I'm Charlie. I couldn't help...
- Woman #2: I don't think so.
- Charlie: [approaching a third woman] Hi, I'm Charlie. I couldn't help noticing you. Would you like to go out some time.
- Woman #2: [looks Charlie up and down] Probably not.
- Charlie: Hot damn, getting closer.
- [someone walks by]
- Charlie: Hi, I'm-oh, that's a dude.