- Peter Griffin: Ok Chris, this is the gentle art of philately, otherwise known as stamp collecting. Here's a pile of stamps carefully collected from swap meets and garage sales.
- Peter Griffin: [picks up a stamp] And look at this, it's a bolivian airplane. It says it's worth 8 cents, but really...
- Peter Griffin: [briefly checks a book] It's worth 12. See that? Already ahead. And right out of the blocks with the winner here Chris.
- Peter Griffin: [picks stamp up on puts it in the scrap book] Now we'll just paste this very carefully into the book. And that's where it belongs
- Peter Griffin: [takes out a gun] Now this is a loaded handgun.
- Peter Griffin: [puts gun to his head] Now what we're gonna do is kill ourselves because this is horrible.
- Chris Griffin: Couldn't we just stop philately?
- Peter Griffin: Too late.
- [shoots himself]
- Lois Griffin: I'm pretty sure our washing machine is pregnant. I don't even know how that's scientifically possible!
- Peter Griffin: Uh, life, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, finds a way.
- Franz: [makes the Chris Marionette do a Gay Song and Dance]
- Chris Griffin: Ha! That's the most German thing I've ever seen!
- Chris Griffin: You're always getting me running around 'till I'm sweaty. I know what you're about Mr. Herbert! Free Labour, and I'm not putting up with it!