- Josh Armstrong: Professor Doogan's password is "password"?
- Cameron Price: Yeah, for a creative writing teacher he's not very creative.
- Oz: Have a seat there champ.
- Cameron Price: Who the hell are you?
- Oz: I'm the guy telling you to sit your ass down.
- Oz: Your museum definitely needs better security, but I get why she's a masterpiece. Woman's got four boobs and no mouth.
- Oz: Good news, Senetor, I've managed to secure your email. Bad news, your wife knows you're into dudes.
- Josh Armstrong: Well, you're out of toilet paper, and now the last four pages of Chamber of Secrets.
- Calvin 'Cash' Sparks: My mouth is about to have sex with this candy bar. Oo girl, Oo what, give me some of that fine sugar, Oo yeah.
- Cameron Price: That really doesn't sound consensual.
- Calvin 'Cash' Sparks: She's over eighteen.
- Melanie Garcia: Well, you'll never know. Oz always has a plan.
- Cameron Price: My plan was to stay in college until I died of happiness.
- Oz: You're late Kirk Cameron.
- Cameron Price: yeah, 'cause Cash keeps pranking me and ruining my life!
- Oz: I'll allow it.
- Josh Armstrong: So, let me get this straight, you gather us all here in your douche-icle so you can tell us you have no idea what the hell you're doing?
- Oz: I used to be a thief. Counterfeiting, breaking and entering; spent my twenty-first birthday in jail for that one.
- Cameron Price: That's why they call you Oz,after that prison show with male frontal nudity and adult situations.
- Oz: Or, my last name is Osbourn.
- Cameron Price: That also makes sense.
- Cameron Price: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but we really make a good team.
- Josh Armstrong: You know, that's so funny, because I was just about to say suck it! We'll never be a team.