- Mr. Mehta: Rajiv, if you had asked me six months ago for my daughter's hand in marriage, I would have said no.
- Rajiv Gidwani: Yes, I know, because I asked you six months ago and you said no.
- Mr. Mehta: Right, I did. I forgot my point. Anyway, welcome to the family.
- Charlie Davies: Todd, we've got a problem. I'm having a hard time finding a stripper for the bachelor party. For a country with so much unintentional third-world nudity, you'd think it'd be easy.
- Todd Dempsy: Yeah, I haven't had any luck, either. No one even knows what a bachelor party is.
- Charlie Davies: Tell me about it. There's no place to buy offensive crap around here. If someone opened a Spencer's Gifts, they'd make a killing.
- [takes digital recorder out of his pocket]
- Charlie Davies: Another million-dollar idea: Spencer's Gifts Mumbai.
- Todd Dempsy: I didn't want to do this, but I'm going to call the office.
- [takes out cell and calls the office]
- Pinky: Mid-America Novelties, how may I help you?
- Todd Dempsy: Hey, Pinky, it's Todd.
- Pinky: Hello, Todd. How may I assist you with your order?
- Todd Dempsy: It's Todd, your boss.
- Pinky: Oh, very good, Mr. Yorboss. How may I assist you with your order?
- Todd Dempsy: No, Pinky. Todd Dempsy, the guy who runs the call center. *Your* boss.
- Pinky: Oh!
- Todd Dempsy: Look, I need you to do me a favor. I'm at Rajiv's wedding. I need you to go in the back of the supply closet and bring me all the novelties on the top shelf.
- Pinky: But you told us never to go in there. That's the dirty shelf.
- Todd Dempsy: I know and I'm sorry to ask you to do this, but it's for Rajiv.
- Pinky: It is okay. I go in there when everyone's at lunch.
- Todd Dempsy: I don't need to know that.
- Pinky: Todd... I've learned things.
- Todd Dempsy: [uncomfortably] Goodbye.
- [at Rajiv's bachelor party, there is a knock at the door]
- Charlie Davies: That's gotta be the stripper or my club sandwich is here. Either way, I'm undoing my belt.
- Todd Dempsy: Wait, you got a stripper, too.
- Charlie Davies: Yeah, I thought your cyber thing might be a bust, so I took matters into my own hands. Gentlemen and Pinky, please welcome to the main stage the woman I met outside the hotel who's willing to take off her clothes for a reasonable price: Kami Sutra!
- [the stripper enters]
- Rajiv Gidwani: You idiot! Charlie, she's hijra!
- Charlie Davies: What's a hijra?
- Gupta: I think you refer to them as transgender.
- Charlie Davies: That explains how I got her for a reasonable price. Or, wait... should she cost double? Half? Deal's a deal. Showtime!