House M.D. (TV Series)

Out of the Chute (2011)

Peter Jacobson: Dr. Chris Taub

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Quotes 

• Martha Masters : He's obviously a... very blessed specimen. So from an evolutionary point of view, he'd produce healthy offspring. So my pre-frontal cortex is telling me, I should have sex with him.

  Dr. Chris Taub : Oh, is that all?

  Martha Masters : Yes, my rational brain knows he's a hillbilly and an idiot.

  Dr. Chris Taub : And yet somehow, your rational brain is losing the argument. Which is interesting.

• Carnell : House...

  Dr. Gregory House : I like you, Carnell.

  [phone rings] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Don't ruin it.

  [picks up a phone] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Stinky feet, could point to diabetes, athlete's foot or gangrene. Pick one.

  Carnell : No!

  Dr. Chris Taub : Uh, none. None of those cause bloody sputum or disappearing masses.

  Carnell : No, no, no! No! You are going to kill her.

  Dr. Gregory House : Don't do that Carnell. They might get the idea that I'm shooting at a hooker. Fungal infection causes ulceration between the toes. Bleeding can be from recurring abscesses that appear to be recurring masses.

  Martha Masters : Symptoms in the head or feet mean the infection would have to be in the heart or the brain.

  Dr. Chris Taub : I say we start by looking in the heart because looking at his brain with a metal plate is problematic.

  Dr. Robert Chase : So is MRI-ing his heart. He's got a seven centimeter conductive metal rod holding his rib together.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : It'll rip him in two.

  Dr. Gregory House : No, it'll just feel like it's ripping him in two, which is much better.

  Dr. Chris Taub : We could minimize the damage by injecting ice-water into his abdominal cavity.

  Carnell : No! Please, no!

  [House shoots an arrow and Carnell finds an arrow sticking Sarah's body, bleeding] 

  Carnell : Oh, God!

  Dr. Gregory House : Opps. Got to go.

  Carnell : Call an ambulance!

  Dr. Gregory House : Why?

  Carnell : What do you mean, why! She's hurt!

  Dr. Gregory House : She doesn't look hurt.

  [Sarah starts laughing] 

  Carnell : No, you didn't.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yes, we did.

  Carnell : [Sarah shows the trick]  You're an ass.

  Dr. Gregory House : Okay, go get me General Patton's Colt .45. The one with two notches.

• Dr. Gregory House : Who's in charge?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : House, as long as you're not here. Someone has to have the final...

  Dr. Gregory House : Let me rephrase: who's your daddy?

  Dr. Chris Taub : Let me rephrase: you have to decide if you're going to buck up and get out of bed and do your job or if you're gonna wallow in self-pity.

  Dr. Gregory House : Thos are my only two choices? Or can I also point out the self-pity coming from you? You're just annoyed because when your relationship ended, no one gave a crap - including you.