Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, Chester A. Bum, Dominic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Kids, do yourself a favor. Find somebody that works in a chain factory and punch 'em. Don't explain why, don't even introduce yourself, just punch 'em in the fucking face.

• Nostalgia Critic : This has gotta be, like, the ninth level I've come across that's a factory. Maybe they want you to get a job there.

• Nostalgia Critic : Let's just take a look at the game that we humans used to call, "Blues Brothers". But as of nowadays, people like to call it an unholy dick storm of shit-cheese! God, this game is awful. The worst thing to be associated with the movie since "Blues Brothers 2000". Oh, that's right, I fucking went there!

• [in the game, Elwood is trying to ride a snake-dragon-thing, but it keeps knocking him off every chance it gets, making the Critic angrier and angrier] 

  Nostalgia Critic : What the hell is this thing anyway? Let me see what it says in the instruction book.

  [looks in the Blues Brothers SNES manual; reads] 

  Nostalgia Critic : "Snake: A friendly creature; you can jump on its back and control it." Does that look *remotely friendly to you*? Does it act like it's friendly? If it's so friendly, how come he's always trying to knock me off and push me down every chance he gets?

• [after losing, a game over screen comes up, only it says "The Blues Brothers Concert Over"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [raging]  Oh, concert over? I'LL SAY IT IS!

  [the Critic takes the cartridge out of the system, then throws it out of his house; then he fires a gun at the cartridge repeatedly] 

• [the Critic was so frustrated with the game that he just got rid of it] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I'm sorry, I couldn't review any more of that shit. I mean, that game is terrible! That is a god-awful game! It has nothing to do with the movie, the... floors made of Crisco, the controls are insane, IT IS TERRIBLE! It's a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE game! And I pity the poor sucker that comes ACROSS that game and TRIES to play it.

  Chester A. Bum : [outside the house]  Oh my God, a video game! Bleu-Ass Brothers. Must be French.

  Nostalgia Critic : I'm The Nostalgic Critic, and...

  [puts hands in praying position] 

  Nostalgia Critic : God have mercy on his soul.

  Chester A. Bum : [heard playing the game]  Oh my God, it's exactly like the movie!... Cake makes you stronger? I-I don't understand that, I... Wow, the... floor sure is slippery, isn't it? Heh-heh... I thought I was supposed to be getting OUT of the jukebox!

  [after a few seconds] 

  Chester A. Bum : Okayyy, just... go up the chain there, guy! Heh... C'mon, go up the chain... Go up THE CHAIN!... Oh, look! A flying snake! Hello, flying snake! How are you... HE PUSHED ME! THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS GAME! I'M TOSSING THIS SO SOME OTHER IDIOT CAN FIND IT!

  Dominic : [coming across game]  Oy, what's this?

• Nostalgia Critic : Well, you did it. You bought the DVD, good for you. I guess that means we have to give you something a little extra, don't we? How about a review? Yes, we all enjoy reviews, don't we? Now, what should it be? Hmm. I know! How about a video game that REALLY PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF! 'Cause that's all you wanna see, isn't it? YOU JUST WANNA SEE ME BE ANGRY! DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!

  [catches breath] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, waste no time beating around the bush.

  [begins review] 

• Nostalgia Critic : I swear this game is a sadist of expectations. It gives you a bunch of time, it takes it away! It gives you a bunch of records, it takes it away!

  [imitating a marionette handler] 

  Nostalgia Critic : "We're the puppet masters! Dance, puppet, dance! Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Fu-fu-fu-FUCK!