Quotes
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Ted Lasso : All right, we gotta do it. All-time favorite Julie Andrews character. Go!
Roy Kent : Fuck it. Maria!
Ted Lasso : Resolute as always. Coach, what you got?
Coach Beard : Eliza Doolittle.
Ted Lasso : Ooh, audio-only performance! I love that. Professor Higgins?
Leslie Higgins : Come on, you Poppins!
Ted Lasso : Same, I'm right there with you. Trent, you have one? You don't have to. You got one?
Trent Crimm : Clarisse Renaldi, Queen of Genova.
[coaches all look impressed]
Roy Kent : Fuck yeah, "Princess Diaries"!
Coach Beard : Deep cut. Zagged.
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Coach Beard : Bigger issue is, you put Zava up front, either Jamie or Dani's gonna have to drop back to midfield.
Ted Lasso : So who do we think will take the news better? Dani or Jamie?
Ted Lasso , Coach Beard , Roy Kent : [in unison] Dani.
Ted Lasso : Yeah. Nah, Jamie's a lot like my mom's Precious Moments figurines collection.
Trent Crimm : I have no idea what that means.
Roy Kent : He's a fragile little bitch.
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Ted Lasso : My tummy's got more knots in it than 'Wayne's World 1' and '2' smooshed together.
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Jacob Brianson : [landline rings] Are you gonna answer it?
Michelle Lasso : No. It's probably a telemarketer. Henry, let's go!
Jacob Brianson : May I answer it? I have a thing for messing with telemarketers.
Michelle Lasso : Knock yourself out.
Jacob Brianson : Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Watch this.
[answers the phone]
Jacob Brianson : [imitating Donald Trump] Um, hello. You've reached the house of Michelle Keller, who by the way is doing amazing things with orange slices these days. You're gonna be amazed. It's really spectacular. How can I help you?
Ted Lasso : [confused] Well, hey, Mr. Former President. Boy, have I got a bone to pick with you.
