- Jerry Rand: You came into this marriage with nothing.
- Eileen Rand: Except love.
- Jerry Rand: Bringing up love at a divorce proceeding is childish.
- Eileen Rand: Screwing every blonde that opens her legs for you is also childish. I guess that makes both of us children.
- Derek Wills: Eileen, be real. For me to audition
- [to direct]
- Derek Wills: , Marilyn herself would have to pop out of that envelope and do me right here.
- Tom Levitt: I have a new assistant and he made me macaroni and cheese.
- Julia Houston: I'm happy for you.
- Tom Levitt: I'm happy for me, too.
- [a video clip of Ivy Lynn recording a demo for "Marilyn: The Musical" goes viral]
- Frank Houston: Wow, it's everywhere.
- Julia Houston: It's idiotic theater blogs. I hate everyone who writes theater blogs!
- Frank Houston: Okay, some of it is...
- Julia Houston: Okay, I don't wanna know!
- [lies down]
- Julia Houston: My God, this sucks! It gets out too fast! And then everyone just rushes to judgement before we even *have* a first draft! Reidel! Oh! Reidel started going after "Spider-Man" before they even started previews! He was already attacking everyone before they even started maiming people!
- [Frank laughs]
- Julia Houston: Yeah, I know, I know. You didn't want me to do it. And you know? Fine, you were right. It's just a complete waste of time.
- Frank Houston: Reidel picked it up.
- Julia Houston: Of course he did! Little creep! Tom called him a Napoleonic Nazi. So right.
- [Frank laughs again, Julia giggles]
- Julia Houston: "Napoleonic Nazi", it's good.
- Frank Houston: No. It's just, uh, Reidel loves "Marilyn". He's a huge fan of you and Tom, thinks "Heaven on Earth" is the best musical on Broadway in spite of its hideous title. Thinks the number online is a smash.
- [Julia climbs onto the bed next to Frank and looks at the article]
- Julia Houston: Y'know, he's much smarter than people give him credit for. Everyone gets so mad at him, but he tells the truth.
- [Karen and Dev just finished making out to "Some Like It Hot"]
- Karen Cartwright: You know what we should do tomorrow night? The one where they're making out in the ocean.
- Dev Sundaram: "From Here to Eternity", that was Deborah Kerr.
- Karen Cartwright: So?
- Julia Houston: [regarding Marilyn] You know what she said in her last interview? She said "Don't make a joke out of me."
- [shaking her head:]
- Julia Houston: The way they treated her... I'm not living with that. There was just... There was something about her. How much she wanted to love and be loved. She glows with it. Reminds me of a saint. I don't want anyone else to do her.
- Roger Cartwright: [in restaurant, reminded of daughter's star potential] You don't have to tell me that. She did The Sound Of Music in high school. Everybody talked about it for weeks! What a voice! Who knew back then... All this...
- Karen Cartwright: Okay, I'm not getting into this again, Dad.
- Mrs. Cartwright: Oh, sweetie, we're not getting into anything. We're just so happy to see you.
- Karen Cartwright: I'm happy to see you too.
- Mrs. Cartwright: We worry...
- Karen Cartwright: Mom...
- Mrs. Cartwright: No, it's so competitive, with all that rejection, so we worry. Of course we worry.
- Karen Cartwright: Well, sometimes dreams are hard.
- Roger Cartwright: And sometimes, sweetie, dreams... just don't mix with reality.
- Karen Cartwright: [on cell phone as she strides out] They made me wait for over an hour and then the director took a call in the middle of my audition! No, it did not go well!
- Derek Wills: I do not need a trooper, Tom, I need an icon. Look, guys, I love the songs, the book needs work, but you don't honestly think I would be here if I didn't think you got something, but without a Marilyn you've got nothing.
- Dev Sundaram: [watching "Some Like It Hot"] Watch this, where she leans in and leans with her breasts.
- [Karen laughs and copies Marilyn Monroe]
- Dev Sundaram: Yeah. Do it again, only no laughing. I mean, you should laugh at me, not at yourself.
- Karen Cartwright: Why should I laugh at you?
- Dev Sundaram: Because you adore me.
- Julia Houston: So, he'll audition.
- Tom Levitt: I don't want him to audition.
- Julia Houston: So you don't think it would be fun to watch Derek crawl?
- Tom Levitt: Yes, actually, that might be fun.
- Karen Cartwright: [singing at an audition]
- [first lines]
- Karen Cartwright: Somewhere over the rainbow / Way up high / There's a land that I heard of / Once in a lullaby / Somewhere...
- Director: [phone rings] Hey. Yeah, where are you?
- [to Karen]
- Director: Yeah, thanks - that's all we need.
- Karen Cartwright, Ivy Lynn: [singing at separate auditions]
- [last lines]
- Karen Cartwright, Ivy Lynn: She'll do what she can / For the love of one man / And for millions who look from afar / And what you've been needing / Is all here and my heart's bleeding / Let me be your star!
- Eileen Rand: Who do you want to direct?
- Julia Houston: [laughing] We're still working on the songs... and the book is all over the place.
- Eileen Rand: Because Derek Wills is available.
- Tom Levitt: Great! Or I could just gouge my own eyes out.
- Derek Wills: Tom Levitt? He's a nightmare.
- Eileen Rand: Well, let's just try one number, see if everyone can get along...
- Derek Wills: I'm sorry, they want me to audition? You've got to be kidding.
- Eileen Rand: No, they don't want you at all. I want you.
- Derek Wills: Eileen, be real. For me to audition, Marilyn herself would have to pop out of that envelope and do me right here.
- Roger Cartwright: Karen, we know what kind of money you make. You're a waitress. I'll pay for dinner.
- Dev Sundaram: She's an actress, not a waitress.
- Tom Levitt: This is a disaster. Michael Riedel's going to destroy us.
- Ellis Boyd: Why? Does he hate you? Who is he?
- Tom Levitt: He's a Napoleonic little Nazi who works for the Post.
- Derek Wills: The guy's a nightmare.
- Eileen Rand: There is a certain lack of chemistry between you and Tom.
- Derek Wills: All that fawning over the actress. Gay men piss me off.
- Eileen Rand: That's an unfortunate position to take in the American theater.
- Julia Houston: [on the phone with Tom] Oh, you say that, Tom, but then you get all impatient. If we don't cut
- [the demo]
- Julia Houston: now, I'm gonna have to listen to you whine for weeks. Then we should do it because *I* wanna do it.
- [pause]
- Julia Houston: I wanna do it tomorrow.
- [pause]
- Julia Houston: I will call Ivy. Bye.
- [hangs up, to Frank]
- Julia Houston: He *does* whine. I love him but... he whines.