- Andy Dwyer: Oh my God! There's a room full of just guns!
- Leslie Knope: Why do you have so many guns?
- Tammy Zero: This is America isn't it?
- Leslie Knope: Yes.
- Tammy Zero: Then I don't have to answer stupid questions while standing on my own property. Let's go.
- April Ludgate: Ok well that's definitely Ron's mom.
- Tom Haverford: Look, I got some documents over at Entertainment 720 that seem really complicated and I thought maybe you could take a look at them because nerd stuff probably really excites you, because you're a nerd.
- Ben Wyatt: [sarcastically] No, of course, yeah. I'll just put on my Star Wars pajamas and sit in my mom's basement and pour over some spreadsheets. It sounds great. What do you got?
- Tom Haverford: Something called break even analysis tables.
- Ben Wyatt: Oh break evens? Those are really fun! Yeah sure I'll take a look.
- Leslie Knope: Basically, we're being attacked by Godzilla, and to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra. No offense.
- Tammy Two: None taken. I'm very flattered. Who's this? Who's this tall drink of water?
- Andy Dwyer: Andy.
- Tammy Two: Hey, Andy. How's it hanging?
- Leslie Knope: Listen, we need to break Ron from her spell! Can't you just move your butt around or wear a dress made out of meat?
- Tammy Two: Well I could do all of these things, and have, but that bitch is crazy. When Ron left her and we got together, she threw acid on my foot.
- April Ludgate: Ew!
- Andy Dwyer: Can we take a peek at it?
- Tammy Two: Listen, Tammy One was my Sunday School teacher, too. She can pinpoint your weaknesses and destroy you with just one word. And a jar of acid.
- Leslie Knope: Ron, this is a federal tax audit; you could go to jail. Jail, Ron. Ron, jail. Jail Ron, jail. You could go to jail! Jail. Jail. Jail.
- Ron Swanson: Are you broken?
- Jean-Ralphio: [to Ben] Who are you?
- Tom Haverford: This is Ben. He's here to help us with the paperwork.
- Jean-Ralphio: Ben is that your real name?
- Ben Wyatt: Yes...
- Jean-Ralphio: Oh you could do better than that. I'm gonna help you out right now, your name is Angelo. Angelo thank you so much for coming out. Get a thicker tie, it looks weird on you. It makes your head look like a fish. Secondly, I don't know where the paperwork is, but when you find it can you take care of it for us? We don't have any pens 'cause we're afraid it's gonna leak on our shirts. Well actually I hate the name Angelo I'm gonna switch it up for you right now. Your new nickname is
- [pause]
- Jean-Ralphio: Jell-o shot. What do you think about that J-shot? Any questions?