Matt Burkett: Apollo Z. Hack

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : Apollo, I really need to have sex with you.

  Apollo Z. Hack : [after long pause]  Er, Oan, buddy, why are you telling me this?

  Oancitizen : Because I literally only know two women and I struck out with both of them.

• Oancitizen : I'm worried that if I don't get my rocks off, I'll build up a lot of emotional pressure that will eventually manifest itself in homicidal violence.

  Apollo Z. Hack : And how, um, did you come to this, um, insane conclusion, pray tell?

  Oancitizen : The weird Yugoslavian movie said so.

• Apollo Z. Hack : Whew, nearly avoided a slash-fic there.

• Apollo Z. Hack : Just because a movie gets a Criterion release and praise by a few snobs doesn't make it right. You of all people should know this.