Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : Guess what? It's a sex episode!

• Oancitizen : Ladies and Gentlemen, you wanted it. You asked for it. For many of you, it's the only reason you watch my show: it's a random sex scene!

• Oancitizen : Oh, there is so much weird going on here, and not just the depressing fact that I am watching more sex than I will ever get in my entire lifetime.

• Oancitizen : You'll notice that the sexually liberated woman is strong, while the sexually repressed man is weak. Because the sexually liberated woman won't "liberate" the sexually repressed man.

• Oancitizen : [after a man says "the main problem is the hole"]  Yes, man, it's the vagina's fault your country sucks.

• Oancitizen : By the way, racism exists.

• Oancitizen : There's a very, very clear message: have a happy, healthy sex life or else you'll become a murderous psychopath...

  Obscurus Lupa : [scene cuts; phone rings]  Hello?

  Oancitizen : [frantic]  Lupa, I need to have sex right now!

  Obscurus Lupa : Todd?

  Oancitizen : Please, if I don't have sex now, I'm afraid I might kill someone!

  Obscurus Lupa : [hangs up and recoils] 

• Oancitizen : Apollo, I really need to have sex with you.

  Apollo Z. Hack : [after long pause]  Er, Oan, buddy, why are you telling me this?

  Oancitizen : Because I literally only know two women and I struck out with both of them.

• Oancitizen : I'm worried that if I don't get my rocks off, I'll build up a lot of emotional pressure that will eventually manifest itself in homicidal violence.

  Apollo Z. Hack : And how, um, did you come to this, um, insane conclusion, pray tell?

  Oancitizen : The weird Yugoslavian movie said so.

• Oancitizen : [to his trash can]  Oh, don't give me that look. You used me!

• Oancitizen : You know why I love doing this show? I can watch European arthouse films that bends the laws of censorship and montage... and still be reminded of an episode of

  [Mystery Science Theater 3000]