- Lois Griffin: [in an English accent like everyone else in the family except for Stewie who talks in a Kansas-like accent; Brian is a horse] All right, kids, enough telly. I hope everyone's peckish for some boiled lamb shank.
- Peter Griffin: None for me, Lydia. I'm meeting me mates down at the pub.
- Lois Griffin: Again? But Neville, you spend all your time down at the Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock.
- Peter Griffin: And that's where you're wrong. The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock is for tossers. We're meeting at the Dog and Cat and Bull and Whistle and Fiddle and Cock and Pig and Wolf and Carriage and Fife and Other Wolf.
- Lois Griffin: But I need you to stay and have a chat with Collingsworth. I found him with another fag in his mouth this morning.
- Peter Griffin: [to Chris] Oh, is that right? So you fancy fags, do you? Well, here... have a whole carton of fags
- [throws a carton of cigarettes at Chris' lap]
- Chris Griffin: I just want a comely lass to look upon me with favour.
- Meg Griffin: I look on you with favour. I look on all of you with favour.
- Peter Griffin: Shut up, British Meg.
- Stewie Griffin: Look at Lydia. What a two-bit Wichita whore. One of these days she's gonna wake up killed.
- Brian Griffin: Oh, matricide. Yet another of your childhood whims
- [emphasising on the H]
- Stewie Griffin: No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow through with... wait, why'd you say it like that?
- Meg Griffin: Stewie, I want you to have my ring. It's one of my most important possessions and I want you to have it.
- Stewie Griffin: RED FLAG! RED FLAG! Is anybody else seeing this?
- Stewie Griffin: Ah, the best part of waiting for the Queen to show up is calling Prince Charles a Wanker as he goes past. Oh, Prince Charles? You're a Wanker!
- Prince Charles: Yes, yes, I know, yes.
- Various: You're a wanker!
- Various: Wanker!
- Prince Charles: Yes, yes, well done.
- Various: Wanker!
- Prince Charles: Yes, quite right.
- Announcer: [Cricket Match] And here we are with a lot of people in helmets who don't look like they need helmets and a lot of people without helmets who look like they need helmets. And look! He's batted it out of the stadium! Is that good? Nobody knows, but it's what we do!
- Brian Griffin: A while ago we did a program called "viewer mail" where we asked for your ideas. It's been ten years and you're still sending them in...
- Peter Griffin: Robin Williams has a Manic Gift that gladdens the World and all he asks in return is our unceasing attention!
- [Calling up to God]
- Peter Griffin: How can you allow this? I wish everyone was Robin Williams!
- [Struck by lightening]
- British Newsreader: A man with a gun has taken over the City of Manchester.