Community (TV Series)

Virtual Systems Analysis (2012)

Joel McHale: Jeff Winger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeff Winger : We are so screwed. How are we gonna memorize all this?

  Shirley Bennett : Let's just go over it again. Kingdom, phylum, class...

  Pierce Hawthorne : [Adds the rest quickly and effortlessly]  Order, family, genus, species.

  [Everyone is shocked] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : I use a mnemonic device. "Kevin, please come over for gay sex."

  Annie Edison : Why wouldn't you use "Karen"?

  Pierce Hawthorne : It's gay sex, dummy.

  Shirley Bennett : So use "great".

  Pierce Hawthorne : Now I can't remember anything. Thanks!

• Annie Edison : [Inside Abed's simulation, where he is impersonating Jeff]  So where are we now?

  Jeff Winger : We're in the doctor's lounge of Greendale Hospital School.

  Annie Edison : Hospital school?

  Jeff Winger : It's a sexy emotional school where doctors save lives and make love, often simultaneously. Our stories, ripped from the headlines. Our passions, unbridled. Our cafeteria, eh... Make love to me, Ann. I know I'm just a surgeon and you're a hotshot upstart administrator, but damn the rules, damn the system, damn our two foot height disparity, I want you.

• Annie Edison : [Inside Abed's simulation, where he is impersonating Jeff]  Jeff, get the files.

  Jeff Winger : Why me?

  Annie Edison : Because you can see the cabinets. And I'll make love to you.

  Jeff Winger : Jackpot!

• Dean Pelton : I'm dressed this way because I have good news and bad news.

  Jeff Winger : You have got to be kidding me.

• Annie Edison : [inside Abed's Dreamatorium simulation, where he's impersonating Jeff]  Knock it off, Abed.

  Jeff Winger : I'm not Abed. You're confused, so was I, but not anymore.

  Annie Edison : Jeff... Abed, stop! I don't wanna do this. I want to talk to Abed. I'm taking the file. Oh, it says Abed is in the recovery parlor. Condition... never better.

  Jeff Winger : You're... not holding anything. This is the file. Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373, control freak with no empathy. People bend over backwards to cater to him. Signed, healthcare administrator Annie Edison.

  Annie Edison : That's out of context.

  Jeff Winger : Shh.

  [Jeff gently cups Annie's cheek to which she's receptive] 

  Jeff Winger : You've thought of everything, Annie. With Abed gone and Troy and Britta together, there's nothing standing in the way of us.

  Annie Edison : Wait, what?

  Jeff Winger : Come on. This is you dream. This is why you played matchmaker. This is what's important to you.

  [Jeff leans in, Annie withdraws in disgust] 

  Annie Edison : You are not Jeff. Because Jeff cares about Abed. And I did not push Troy and Britta together so this would happen. I did it because I thought they were cute together and this would have been a bonus. And we are not here. And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are.

  [Annie storms off] 

  Jeff Winger : You should probably storm off in...

  Annie Edison : [Annie runs into a wall and is knocked down]  Oh!

  Jeff Winger : In place.

  [Dreamatorium simulation ends]