"Community" Virtual Systems Analysis (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)

(2012)

Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Abed Nadir : [Inside his Annie/Annie simulation, impersonating Annie]  But we love Jeff.

    Annie Edison : No, we don't. We're just in love with the idea of being loved. And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it, we'll never be unloved.

  • Abed Nadir : It's a metaphorical locker. It's a place where people like me get put when everyone's finally fed up with us.

  • Abed Nadir : [Voice-over]  I am Abed Nadir... And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows. I wander the universe with my friend, Troy, doing whatever I want. Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables. This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted. I now have the ability to enter the minds of others. Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy".

  • Annie Edison : All right, listen. The scenarios you run in here are like... great science fiction. They're impressive and detailed and insightful, but they're not accurate for crap. Science fiction never has been. Look at 2001. Did we have a space odyssey? No. We got snowboarding in the Olympics and we over-validated Carson Daly.

    Abed Nadir : That poor guy.

    Annie Edison : Yeah, cry me a river. My point is, your simulations are nothing more than anxieties. You're afraid you don't fit in. You're afraid you'll be alone. Great news: you share that with all of us. So you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in. And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta. You caught me. I was trying to make life go according to some script. I can't. You can't. We both need to get more comfortable winging it. At least it'll be less work.

  • Annie Edison : [Inside the Dreamatorium simulation]  Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it.

    Abed Nadir : We're inside a locker. It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high.

    Annie Edison : You think this is where we'd put you? You know that's absurd, right?

    Abed Nadir : Well, I'm not stupid. You can see I've increased the square footage. It's a metaphorical locker. It's a place where people like me get put when everyone's finally fed up with us.

    Annie Edison : Abed, so maudlin. If you start turning into a vampire...

    Abed Nadir : I've run the simulations, Annie. I don't get married, I don't invent a billion dollar website that helps people have sex. I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants. Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019. Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it.

  • Annie Edison : You're mad at me for playing matchmaker with Troy and Britta. You think you're gonna lose Troy.

    Abed Nadir : I'm not petty, Annie. I'm mad at you because you tampered with the fabric of the group. How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up wouldn't destroy everything? I run the scenarios. I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle.

    Annie Edison : Oh, and you can do that but I can't? You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed.

    Abed Nadir : I kind of do. You think this is just a room where Troy and I play dinosaurs versus river boat gamblers together? Sure, it's how I got the construction approved, but, much like myself, the Dreamatorium has higher functions. Would you like me to show you how your stunt with Troy and Britta will play itself out?

    Annie Edison : Why not?

    Abed Nadir : Execute simulation Troy/Britta. Render environment Señor Kevin's.

  • Annie Edison : Maybe we should go to Señor Kevin's. Britta, didn't you want to try that new cage-free bean burrito?

    Britta Perry : The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour.

    Annie Edison : Troy, you could drive. You always like that spiral parking ramp.

    Troy Barnes : You just keep turning left, but you end up up!

    Abed Nadir : I can't go to Señor Kevin's. The manager and I are enemies. He said Die Hard was bad. He said Die Hard was bad.

    Troy Barnes : I know, buddy.

    Annie Edison : Well, how about this. This lunch is already a runaway train,

    [fake chuckle] 

    Annie Edison : no point in stopping it. Troy, Britta, you go to Señor Kevin's. Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works. Today's the perfect day for it.

    Abed Nadir : But I want to...

    [interrupted] 

    Annie Edison : Abed, don't you think today's the perfect day for it?

    [smiling through gritted teeth] 

    Abed Nadir : No.

    Annie Edison : [irritatedly trying to signal Abed]  Abed.

    Abed Nadir : Is this a social cue?

  • Annie Edison : I have a better idea. You know what would make your scenarios a lot more realistic?

    Abed Nadir : If Troy weren't on a date.

    Annie Edison : Why don't you take all your thoughts and your logic and add one step to the process.

    [begins rearranging the Dreamatorium construct] 

    Abed Nadir : [concerned look]  What are you doing?

    Annie Edison : From now on, before you do or say anything, you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you.

    [confused Abed shakes his head] 

    Annie Edison : We lower functioning brains call this "empathy".

    [Abed begins a high-pitched whimpering] 

    Annie Edison : Abed?

    [Abed screams and collapses] 

    Annie Edison : Abed? Oh, my God, I broke Abed.

  • Abed Nadir , Troy Barnes : [harmonizing]  Troy and Abed in the morning

    Abed Nadir : Today we're joined by Annie Edison...

    Annie Edison : Hi!

    Abed Nadir : Who's gonna show us how to spruce up your apartment on a budget.

    Troy Barnes : So, Annie, what inspired this throw?

    Annie Edison : Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain where Abed spilled Code Red on the couch last week.

    Abed Nadir : Oops. Crafty. And you have some tips on entertaining.

    Annie Edison : Yes, if you're expecting company, but you don't have enough chairs, you can bring out pillows from your bedroom and use them on the floor for a Moroccan feel.

    Troy Barnes : Ooh, a taste of the Orient.

    Abed Nadir : Ooh!

    Annie Edison : Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you.

    Abed Nadir : Uh-oh.

    Annie Edison : While you two were out playing blazer tag...

    Abed Nadir : That's laser tag with sport coats.

    Annie Edison : I did a little extreme bedroom makeover! I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and...

    [Abed begins a high-pitched whine] 

    Troy Barnes : It's okay, buddy. We can put it back. We can put it back the way it was.

    Annie Edison : I'm so sorry.

    Troy Barnes : It's okay.

    [whining continues] 

    Troy Barnes : It's... cut, Garrett.

    Annie Edison : Sorry!

    [stuttering whine] 

    Annie Edison : [Troy holds up a hand-drawn "Technical Difficulties" sign] 

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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