Community (TV Series)
Virtual Systems Analysis (2012)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Annie Edison : [Inside Abed's simulation, where he is impersonating Troy. Annie sticks a needle in Troy's arm] Sodium pentothal, known commonly as truth serum.
Troy Barnes : I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files, I love butt stuff, I hate spiders, I stole a pen from the bank, I cried during About a Boy... the soundtrack... I don't wash my hands before surgery. I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point where I might just as well be attracted to him. I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the Internet at the drop of a hat. I know nothing about wine. I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. I just want to know they feel comfortable. I didn't get Inception.
[Sobbing]
Troy Barnes : I didn't get Inception...
[Sobbing continues]
Troy Barnes : There's so many layers!
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Troy Barnes : [Abed is simulating Troy and Britta's lunch "date", impersonating both of them] Oh, those appetizers were dope and legit!
Britta Perry : I don't usually support lunch because it's unfair to breakfast.
Troy Barnes : I never thought about meals fighting each other. I guess that explains why you never see any two of them on the same table.
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Annie Edison : Maybe we should go to Señor Kevin's. Britta, didn't you want to try that new cage-free bean burrito?
Britta Perry : The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour.
Annie Edison : Troy, you could drive. You always like that spiral parking ramp.
Troy Barnes : You just keep turning left, but you end up up!
Abed Nadir : I can't go to Señor Kevin's. The manager and I are enemies. He said Die Hard was bad. He said Die Hard was bad.
Troy Barnes : I know, buddy.
Annie Edison : Well, how about this. This lunch is already a runaway train,
[fake chuckle]
Annie Edison : no point in stopping it. Troy, Britta, you go to Señor Kevin's. Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works. Today's the perfect day for it.
Abed Nadir : But I want to...
[interrupted]
Annie Edison : Abed, don't you think today's the perfect day for it?
[smiling through gritted teeth]
Abed Nadir : No.
Annie Edison : [irritatedly trying to signal Abed] Abed.
Abed Nadir : Is this a social cue?
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Britta Perry : God, why do we always wind up in this position? For all the time you spend here, you'd think we wouldn't have to cram so much.
Troy Barnes : Maybe we never get any work done because we have so much fun hanging out together.
Britta Perry : Definitely, maybe that's why.
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Annie Edison : [cell rings] Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called. Your lunch is going well, right?
Troy Barnes : Yeah, just checking on Abed. Making sure he's okay.
Annie Edison : [irritated] What? He's fine. He just implied I operate on a lower level of brain function, so business as usual.
Troy Barnes : Great, um, just, you know, make sure he stays comfortable. I worry about him when I'm not around.
Annie Edison : Well, he's fine, he always will be. People bend over backwards to cater to him.
Troy Barnes : He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium. It takes a lot out of him to run that thing. I don't want you to break his brain.
Annie Edison : [abruptly] Bye, Troy.
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Abed Nadir , Troy Barnes : [harmonizing] Troy and Abed in the morning
Abed Nadir : Today we're joined by Annie Edison...
Annie Edison : Hi!
Abed Nadir : Who's gonna show us how to spruce up your apartment on a budget.
Troy Barnes : So, Annie, what inspired this throw?
Annie Edison : Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain where Abed spilled Code Red on the couch last week.
Abed Nadir : Oops. Crafty. And you have some tips on entertaining.
Annie Edison : Yes, if you're expecting company, but you don't have enough chairs, you can bring out pillows from your bedroom and use them on the floor for a Moroccan feel.
Troy Barnes : Ooh, a taste of the Orient.
Abed Nadir : Ooh!
Annie Edison : Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you.
Abed Nadir : Uh-oh.
Annie Edison : While you two were out playing blazer tag...
Abed Nadir : That's laser tag with sport coats.
Annie Edison : I did a little extreme bedroom makeover! I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and...
[Abed begins a high-pitched whine]
Troy Barnes : It's okay, buddy. We can put it back. We can put it back the way it was.
Annie Edison : I'm so sorry.
Troy Barnes : It's okay.
[whining continues]
Troy Barnes : It's... cut, Garrett.
Annie Edison : Sorry!
[stuttering whine]
Annie Edison : [Troy holds up a hand-drawn "Technical Difficulties" sign]
