- Max Hawthorne: You know, you don't usually give me gifts. Except for that hunting T-shirt with the bullseye on it.
- Joseph: Grey aliens are pretty powerful.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: Not powerful enough to get somebody's number from the phone number company, unless they say, "Yeah, okay, give them my phone number."
- Harry Vanderspeigle: How dare you body shame me. This my goal weight. Are you saying I'm fat?
- Max Hawthorne: Whatever. I gotta go home. See you soon.
- Harry Vanderspeigle: I will see you never! I am not fat. I am thick. All bodies are beautiful... except yours, you squirrel-necked dick!
- [Harry is wearing a breastfeeding simulator]
- Asta Twelvetrees: Well, I'll never get that image out of my head.
- Asta Twelvetrees: Okay, you're not gonna help the general save the world? Then what? What are you going to do?
- Harry Vanderspeigle: I will do what human failures do. I will ignore my horrible life by being a parent and passing my resentments on to my children.
- Asta Twelvetrees: Children?