- Tina: Dear Diary: Tonight I'm sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses.
- Bob: Louise, are you sure there isn't something down there you can use to climb out?
- Louise: [sarcastically] Oh, wait! Here's a grappling hook! Oh, and here's an escalator! Silly me!
- Bob: We're about to die, Louise! Do you really want your final words to be sarcastic?
- Louise: [sarcastically] NoooooOOOOOOoooooo!
- Teddy: Are you coming to my party tonight? I'm making a three-bean salad, but it's bring your own bean. Can I put you down for garbanzo?
- Bob: Wait a minute, why is this still here?
- Linda: Well, I may have slipped a penis pill in your casserole. Surprise!
- Bob: What? Why?
- Linda: Sometimes you want to ride the rollercoaster one more time and you don't want to wait in line.
- Bob: Where did you get it?
- Linda: Ginger. She does it to Tony all the time. I wanted to be edgy like them. Pill-popping sex freaks.
- Louise: You two are useless, between you inviting half the town and you pushing and licking everything in sight like an animal!