- [on the opening credits to "Criminally Insane"]
- Cinema Snob: It's starting to look less like blood, and more like a clown came on the film.
- Cinema Snob: Ethel, what are you doing? You killed your grocery store supplier! Now the only person to bring you food is this guy!
- [still frame of Ronald McDonald]
- Cinema Snob: And he might rape your children!
- [Rosalie's pimp boyfriend slaps her at regular speed, and again in a slo-mo shot]
- Cinema Snob: Thank you for showing me that in a slow motion instant replay! I was questioning whether or not this guy was a dick!
- Dr. Gerard: Your granddaughter's case is a very strange one, Mrs. Janowski. Severe paranoid manifestations, long days of depression, violent outbursts...
- Cinema Snob: Oooh, she's being diagnosed as a cinema snob.
- Cinema Snob: Wait a minute. I think I know what this movie is missing now.
- [the theme from "That Girl" plays as Ethel Janowski runs through the cemetery in a long, flowing red dress]
- Cinema Snob: Heh-Heh! Swingin'.