- Hank and Charlie meet with Robbie Mac, but the project on the table is a little out of Hank's wheelhouse. Becca demonstrates that she inherited the best parts of her father during a reading of her latest work.
- Hank and Charlie meet with Robbie Mac, but the project on the table is a little out of Hank's wheelhouse. Later, Hank reconnects with "God Hates Us All" executive, Ali Andrews. Marcy, Ophelia and Karen commiserate over dinner. Becca demonstrates that she inherited the best parts of her father during a reading of her latest work.—SHOWTIME
- Heterosexuality should get down on bended knee and take a lesson from the gay lifestyle. That's how pseudo 'gaygent' Charlie Runkle feels having delved (theoretically, of course, not in practice) into that alternative universe. Those guys go straight for what they want, and b*gger the consequences, and if only these guidelines could be applied to the straight world... An amused Hank vows to bring this notion up 'at the next board meeting'. Charlie congratulates Hank about his semi-successful stint in rehab. Big offer coming up, they're off to a big Hollywood meeting. Charlie is nervously sweating it, as his client, the loose cannon Robbie Mac, hasn't shown yet. He suspects that Robbie is engaged in lurid homosexual activities with multiple partners (mentioned in detail, but unfortunately unprintable here), and Hank rolls his eyes, hoping that Robbie would keep it steady.
Studio chief, movie producer hard-as-nails blonde Ali Andrews (Allison McAtee) has had a thing for Hank ever since his book "God Hates Us All" was filmed as "A Crazy Little Thing Called Love", raking in megabucks. She was the executive producer on that lucrative deal, which paved her career. When Hank had objected to how his original work was being miscarried, she had him fired and his input into the movie rewritten. Ali's now in on the "Cruising" project, and as her path crosses with Hank's again, spots an opportunity in more ways than one, for Hank, in a monogamous relationship at that time (with Karen) spurned her amorous advances. As he puts it, he is the guy who, back then, said no to her fleshy goodness. As his current status with Karen amounts to an open relationship, he is now in a position to make out with her. Hank rebuffs her for seeing the original movie as 'brilliant', which is a word she obviously overuses.
Sitting in on the meeting is Rachel (Alissa Dean), her assistant, who has had her eye on Charlie, ever since temping at his desk years ago just before he got fired after having been caught out masturbating in his office during company time by the security cameras.
Flamboyant Robbie Mac is the catalyst of this meeting. Prior to his arrival, Ali, who takes it for granted that Hollywood leading men are good-looking, asked if he was 'clean'. Charlie responded that Robbie is so clean, you could eat off him, which Ali, having heard about Charlie's 'current preferences' meets with a smirking comment. Upon entering, Robbie has an excruciating leather-clad 'wild boy' image, whip and all, as over the top as being only one sandwich short of a full-blown gay picnic/parade on motorcycles. He has an attitude of filming this remake of a classic movie about dingy gay bars for the sake of being in dingy gay bars. He makes a public display of coming on to poor old (straight) Charlie, simulating a leather-clad sex act with the timidly-enduring baldie right there in the office. Charlie is confident that he is sealing the deal, though, and rides pillion with Robbie to Fist, the gay hangout they're going to unwind at. Upon hearing that name, Hank wisecracked that he had another engagement at Prolapsed Rectum in Silver City.
Fist is a haven of homosexual debauchery, with scores of leather-clad men every bit as bad as you'd expect, milling about and openly making out with another, so the presence of the two girls with their fresh female scent is like a breath of mountain air to Hank, who pairs off with Ali.
Back at her place, Marcy is bikini-waxing outspoken feminist author Ophelia, (Janice from FRIENDS, Maggie Wheeler), the friend first fleetingly seen in the first episode of this season. A big fan of her work, Marcy explains that this treatment is on the house, and she also compliments Ophelia on having the prettiest lady-parts she'd ever encountered. "It took me a while to hack through all this brush, but once I got there, wow!" Ophelia accredits the immaculate state of her nether bits to having refrained from having sex with any man her whole life long. "I don't need a (expletive deleted) man to make me come," she steadfastly insists. "Instead of putting my nose in a man's lap, I put my nose in a book." When Marcy inquires about having children, the gruff response is simply "Disgusting little creatures." With which Marcy wholeheartedly agrees. "Church!"
Over at 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Greased Fist' as Hank mocked the stygian hellhole, Batesy is the barman. Upon hearing of Charlie's misadventure, he smirks that the little macaroon was 'born with balls on his chin'. They discuss Becca, whom it transpires has been asking him for writing guidance. He supplies Hank with the address of the venue where the aspiring authoress is reading her work tonight.
Men are the enemy. The menemy. It is actually Marcy who supplies Ophelia with the title for her next book. 'The Menemy', by Ophelia Robins. How men devastate your vagina, and suck out your will to live," Ophelia quotes into her dictaphone. She admonishes Karen for her continued subscribing to 'the Princess myth', for all the men in Karen's life dumped her. Not Bill, Marcy points out, but Ophelia says she must stop her pursuit of the fairy-tale happy-ending fantasy, and focus on the now. "Why do you spend so much time with boys?" the manhater asks. "Have you been molested as a child?" No, but Marcy asks if it counts when her weird old Uncle Andy walked around without his pants when he was babysitting her. Ophelia considers men's wedding tackle not only as disgusting appendages, but deadly weapons, and suggests the use of those little steel cages as male chastity belts in her idealized world. They are served drinks bought by male admirers, much to Ophelia's chagrin. She sails into them icily. Thanks them for their interest, but "...so if you buy us enough of these, we are just supposed to lie down and spread our legs?" To which Marcy adds tedious detail about how bad a woman can look in the morning, not to mention the future as she loses her appeal, totally off-putting the men, and they rush off. Ophelia heartily congratulates Marcy for embracing her she-ness.
Rachel reveals her big crush on Charlie. "Too bad he's a 'mo." But Hank reveals that his adorable friend, a walking phallic-shaped Pez dispenser, really is just doing what it takes to close the deal. Robbie wants to make out with Charlie. Not that he finds him physically attractive, but out of gratitude, and as he explains it, sometimes that is way hotter. Charlie is the center of attention, because Rachel, who, in a singsong voice, reveals that she knows his secret, wants to give him a blowjob.
Hank and Ali attract even the attention of the gays in the bar as they make out. Charlie has Rachel's lips around him, he exclaims "I'm so (expletive deleted) straight right now! as he dives on top of her, fondling her breasts. She needs to go to the bathroom, and put in her diaphragm, and this girliness pleases Charlie no end. In her absence, he eagerly gets undressed, and is naked, big butterfly tattoo on his lower back. A knock on the door, and, wouldn't you know it, it is Robbie that enters, and Charlie is naked, exposed to British steel. Bare-breasted Rachel walks in on them. Robbie is actually offended by her nudity. "She came on to me! She tried to rape me!". But Rachel reveals his subterfuge, though Robbie would not believe that of Charlie, who scrambles for an excuse to get away from having to fellate the studly star. Hepatitis-C? No luck. "Guess what? Me too, old buddy!"
"I definitely prefer the fairer sex." Charlie is outed, or 'inned' then, for being straight when he backs off from giving a blowjob. And fired. 'Gaygent' no more.
Hank is having sex with Ali, the hate-filled toxins about to be released. "We should have done this years ago. Your career might have been in better shape." But Hank reckons his predestined self-destructive nature would have taken care of that. And he cannot get over his resentment for the young woman who caused his downward spiral. Then Charlie walks in on them, suggesting a threesome. Ali storms off. "Once a bottom-feeder, always a bottom-feeder!"
Becca's reading of her work pleases Hank, and he goes off to check on 'the state of his union' with Karen, wishing to apologize for his shameful self-indulgence, but Marcy gives him the finger. "You have a penis, and she's embracing her she-ness," Karen aptly explains. They're both very proud of their talented little munchkin, and agree that they will play their relationship by ear. "Prepare to be John Woo'd."
Hank drives off into the darkness.
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