2 Broke Girls (TV Series)

And the Candy Manwich (2012)

Garrett Morris: Earl

Quotes 

• Caroline Channing : Look at all these people just sitting here, not tipping, working on their computers. This guy has a brand new Apple, I've been eating the same apple for a week. I blame Steve Jobs.

  Max Black : These people are more like, Steve "I Have No" Jobs. All right, that's it.

  [Max walks over to Earl] 

  Max Black : Earl, I need to get the wireless router.

  Earl : Oh, is that what this is? I though tit was a cookie warmer.

  [Max takes the wireless router from Earl] 

  Max Black : Attention deadbeat diners. You can't just sit here all night and only order coffee. This is not a Starbucks. And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas. This is the router for the free WI-FI. And that is a waitress who needs to make some tips.

  Caroline Channing : Seriously guys, I need actual cash. This guy just offered to pay me in ideas.

  Max Black : If I pull this plug, the Internet will go down. And you,

  [Max points to a customer] 

  Max Black : that sad e-mail you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend, the one you shouldn't send anyway? Gone. And you.

  [she points to another customer] 

  Max Black : that vaguely pornographic anime film you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours? Gone. And you,

  [she points to another customer] 

  Max Black : that screenplay you've been writing? You can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends, with you moving back in with your mother.

  Caroline Channing : Now, who's gonna order?

  [Everybody raises their hand] 

  Max Black : Great, I'll go get some menus. Here, Caroline, put this back.

  [Max gives the router to Caroline but the plug accidentally comes out, shutting down the Internet] 

  Earl : Ooh, my cookie warmer.