- Max Black: Someone gave me a bag of cookies the other day and I ate all of it without breathing.
- Caroline Channing: Well, you're not a child anymore you have more discipline.
- Max Black: The cookies were yesterday!
- Caroline Channing: Max, you would not believe what came addressed to you
- Max Black: Let me explain, I'm not a Scientologist, I just went there one time because I heard some rich guy was looking for a wife.
- Caroline Channing: We got you a puppet.
- Max Black: And, yes, I was stoned but Caroline was laughing just as hard as me.
- Darius: You got me a what?
- Max Black: A puppet. We got you a puppet.
- Darius: But I don't use a puppet.
- Max Black: Until you do.
- Caroline Channing: Just imagine At the end of your act or in the beginning...
- Max Black: Or all the way through.
- Caroline Channing: "Ladies and Gentleman... Darius the Hilarious and his partner, Justin Beaver."
- [talking as the puppet]
- Caroline Channing: Damn, girl. And I mean dam as in, I built one. Ha ha ha. And you don't even have to be funny. Justin Beaver does the work for you.