American Horror Story (TV Series)

The Replacements (2013)

Patti LuPone: Joan Ramsey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fiona Goode : May I offer you a drink?

  Joan Ramsey : No, I don't imbibe. I don't know if this is a school or... a rehab facility or what it is, but two of your girls invaded my property. One of them was dressed so scandalously I'm worried about the long-term effect it might have on Luke.

  Fiona Goode : You know, I've never understood you Bible-thumpers and your hypocrisy towards sex. I know, behind closed doors, you are the biggest perverts of all.

  Joan Ramsey : Your student threw a knife at me. It missed my head by three inches.

  Fiona Goode : Yeah, she has to work on her aim.

• Joan Ramsey : You stay away from my boy.

  Madison Montgomery : Hmm, good luck keeping him away from me. He's so backed up all I'd have to say is "panties" and he'd jizz his jeans.