- Chris Traeger: I bought my crib in Bloomington, and I am confident it is literally the safest crib in the explored universe. Let me take you there and you can talk to the salesperson.
- Ron Swanson: Counteroffer - you take me nowhere, and I talk to no one.
- Chris Traeger: Counter-counteroffer - you come with me, or I make you attend a four-hour fax cover-sheet protocol meeting. Either way, it's a win for me.
- Robert Mathis: [Checking Donna out] What's up, girl?
- Donna Meagle: Keep walking, 98.
- Ben Wyatt: You don't even want to talk to that guy? He plays in the NFL!
- Donna Meagle: He's a linebacker. Skill positions only for Donna Meagle.