The Crazy Ones (TV Series)

The Stan Wood Account (2013)

Robin Williams: Simon Roberts

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the staff watches on of Simon's old commercials on You Tube] 

  Lauren Slotsky : Wait, I'm confused. She's French, he's British, there's a windmill. What country is this?

  Simon Roberts : My dear, it was the '80s, we had not yet begun to ask those difficult questions. Plus when I wrote it, I'd just huffed half a can of the product.

• [Simon plays with his life-sized Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot] 

  Simon Roberts : Lauren, can't this thing hit harder? Maybe you can set it to Ike Turner.

  Andrew Keanelly : No one remembers him for his songwriting skills.

• Simon Roberts : Gordon Lewis is like a truffle pig sniffing out joy.

• Simon Roberts : Gordon, what brings you out of the land of the anal to the dirty den of the creative?

  Gordon Lewis : Well, I'm very upset. And not just because my husband is on a juice cleanse, so now I have to be. Why can't Timothy get into barbecuing?

• Simon Roberts : You know what I like about you and Timothy? You've been married since before everyone was gay!

  Gordon Lewis : It's like when your favorite band gets popular but I'm sticking with it.

• Gordon Lewis : I have a mind like a steel trap, I remember everything.

  Simon Roberts : Except to clip those nostril hairs. It's like staring up at two tiny armpits.

• Gordon Lewis : What is this?

  Simon Roberts : That's a bill for the Stan Wood wallpaper account.

  Gordon Lewis : Yes, I know it's a bill. How come I've never heard of 'em?

  Simon Roberts : Cuz the air's thin up there, you miss a lot of stuff. I've always wondered, are you attracted to the tops of guys' heads? Does Timothy go up on you?

• Simon Roberts : Son, we have to have some accounts where it's not just about the money. The Stan Woods let you sleep at night.

  Zach Cropper : I find an orgasm helps.

  Simon Roberts : I used to throw like a fistful of downers into a blender with cough syrup and warm milk. I called it Milk of Amnesia, but then sobriety ruined all that! Now I need nonsense like loyalty and ethics to get through the night.