The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

AVGN Games (2013)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd, Board James

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Okay, whoever came up with this is...

  [the in-game Nerd's text says: "Whoever came up with this level is an asshole!"] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Exactly. They read my mind, they're an asshole! Which means the asshole who made this game acknowledged that they're an asshole, and that I called them an asshole! You asshole.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And don't you love the intentional typos? "Conglaturation!" Is that the new, hip way to spell it? Is what the kids are doing now?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You can play as hidden characters, like the Bullshit Man, is that guy dead again?

  [Referring to Guitar Guy appearing as a skeleton in-game] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : And Mike... Who the fuck is Mike? I don't know anyone like that.

• Board James : Well, isn't that awesome? Somebody made a Monopoly game about you! Everybody's gotta have a Monopoly game, even AC/DC has a Monopoly game!

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, that's cool, but... how'd you get here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail?

  Board James : Oh, well... I used the "Get Out of Jail Free" card!

  [He makes a silly face at the audience] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, but, didn't you kill your friends or somethin'?

  Board James : [suddenly turns angry]  That wasn't me, that wasn't me! That was the FUCKING PHONE! God... Fuck you! Fuck everyone!

  [storms out] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : OK. Y'know, that guy looks familiar.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And at the heart of it all, the final boss: my arch-nemesis. It's... IT'S... Fred Fuchs. It's the programmer motherfucking Fred Fucks! Finally, I get to kick his ass! Yeah, fuck you, Fred Fucks! URGH! Fucks you, Fred Fuck! Ahhhhh! Got 'im!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I'm just sittin' around, minding my own business, when a zombie gingerbread man bursts in. I hate it when that happens.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Unlike a majority of the games I rip apart, these were made by independent game developers. Usually single-handedly, all by themselves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughing Joking Numbnuts ever could.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, anyway, the first AVGN game we're gonna look at is: The Angry Video Game by Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. You might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : That's me, throwing beer bottles. I have to admit, I've done that before, but if I had that many beers, I wouldn't throw 'em, I'd drink 'em.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The stage boss... is a helicopter/guitar. And I wish I didn't already call the cannons Scrotum Cannons, because now, the game is just mocking me. Have you ever seen the AVGN episode where a giant helicopter/guitar comes flying in, and pisses all over me?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So, basically, it's Mega Man 2, but instead of Mega Man, it's me. I'm in Mega Man 2, one of the best games ever made, and I'm in it. If I could've foreseen that as a kid, I would have shit my pants. The other difference is that the levels are redesigned to be way harder than the original game. So, if you thought the game wasn't hard enough, and it needed The Fuckin' Nerd in it, then this is for you.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Great, do I really need to be reminded of Silver Surfer again? Why does everything look like a dick? Oh, no, not the "Where'd you learn to fly?" bitch! Then, there's the happy land where everything is smiling. No matter where I die, or how I die, there's always one of these things making fun of me.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Next is a level based entirely on the Atari Porn games. Who would do that? Don't look, kids.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Then, there's Blizzard of Balls, a Christmas snow level. Nothing says "Christmas" like shittin' chickens. The best part is killing Santa, and using his body as a sled. On the polar opposite: we have the Hell level: Thy Farts Consumed, where you fight Caca-demons. And ride on a shark shooting lasers. This is ridiculous. Then, of course, you fight the Devil himself.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I feel like I played every bad game I ever played, all at once. And now others are playing it, because of me. It's like I shared all my horrible experiences. It's all my fault! Fuck this game!