- Raggedy Hipster: Oh good, you're still open.
- Caroline Channing: Yes we are what can i get you?
- Raggedy Hipster: Everything in the register.
- Caroline Channing: Oh my God, it's a hipster holdup.
- Raggedy Hipster: Hand it over, I have a gun.
- Max Black: Well I have a death wish so that's not gonna work. Look, pal, we work at this cupcake window from two to four, six nights a week and that is after eight hours of slinging hash at the diner next door for lousy minimum wage which a bunch of rich politicians out in help me out
- Caroline Channing: Washington.
- Max Black: What she said, don't want a raise. Then we walk home to our illegal one bedroom apartment, get three hours of NyQuil endued sleep before we have to get back up and share a bowl of Spanish language Cheerios.
- Caroline Channing: It's the same thing but the C wears a sombrero.
- Max Black: So no. I am not about to give you our hard earned money. And if you're gonna shoot me, better aim good cause if you miss I will climb over this counter, tear off your head and it'll be our new tip jar.
- Raggedy Hipster: Yeah, I just robbed Pizza Pizza. Here's the $20. Have a good night.
- [first lines]
- Caroline Channing: That's it for tonight, time to count the tip jar. Hand condom.
- [Max takes out a white latex glove and Caroline puts it on her hand]
- Max Black: I cant believe you. Using protection is so five years ago.
- Caroline Channing: This is Williamsburg. There's a good chance even the dollars have herpes.
- Max Black: Well if those singles have herpes, they should just lie about it until they get married like everybody else does.