Yoga Hosers (2016) User Reviews

An in-joke made by the Smith's and the Depp's

[paulijcalderon · 3/10 · 23 October 2016]

Would have worked better as a "Grindhouse" type film. I can tell this was supposed to be comedy, but almost every joke fell flat. There were only minor amusing moments, but they were so scattered across the run time that your search for them would not even be worth it.

I wish Kevin Smith wouldn't do all the science fiction elements, because they don't blend well with the established tone. And It makes everything more ridiculous to be honest. I would have enjoyed a more down to Earth comedy. If you wanna keep the weird monsters and over the top scientists, then set the tone up better from the start. Because the first act is like a cheap Rom- com. It just takes you by surprise when it switches gears. I don't have anything against the Avantgarde genre, but here it just didn't work well.

What are the positives? There's an entertaining flashback scene with Haley Joel Osment. He is completely over acting and it's one of the few scenes which could be funny to some people. Johnny Depp shows up, and his ex-wife and two of his kids (one is playing the lead) as well. Even Kevin Smith's daughter co-stars. So, this is a family film? Maybe it is nice to see these two families be friends and make a funny movie together. You can see they all had fun and they are not taking it seriously for one second.

It feels like the Depp's and the Smith's were just hanging out for a weekend and just for the fun of it decided to make a movie. They invited a few friends too. I guess it's all an in-joke to them, but for the rest of the world? Not so much.

Even comedies need some realism.

[Java_Joe · 3/10 · 20 November 2017]

Kevin Smith was good filmmaker. He made Clerks on a shoestring budget. He made the wickedly funny Dogma. And he made the surreal Tusk. But somewhere along the lines he seems to have forgotten certain things.

While Sophia Coppola wrote a love letter to Japan in "Lost in Translation", Kevin Smith seems to have scrawled something on a bar napkin for Canada in "Yoga Hosers". It's frankly a wonder why specifically this movie was made.

The story itself, is unremarkable. Two girls, played by the daughters of Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith play the two Colleens who wind up in the middle of some really strange stuff dealing with Nazi sausages. Yes that's right, Bratzis. The girls are cute but they're not great actresses. You really need more if you plan on building a career for these two.

But that's not the problem. The problem is why specifically is this set in Canada? Put it in the United States and the story would barely change. The only difference is there wouldn't be all those lame Canadian "jokes" that people say when trying to be clever.

Yes. We get it. Canadians have an accent. They say "sorry" differently. They say "zed" instead of "zee". And nobody, especially in Manitoba, says "aboot". Maybe that's an East coast thing but I've spent time in Canada and never heard anybody say it that yes. Sure, it's different than how we say it in the United States but it's not "aboot".

But literally that's the joke. Canadians talk funny. Ha ha ha. Get it? If not it's okay, it'll only be hammered home with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. If you make the mistake of trying to take a shot every time somebody says "sorry" or "aboot" you'll be passed out in the first 10 minutes.

I'll admit it had some decent moments but overall, it was just terrible.

I'm really not looking forward to "Moose Jaws" because I honestly think it's just going to be more of the same.

Daddy's Little Girl

[monstervisiontvfilms-28632 · 3/10 · 5 September 2016]

This film is an hour and a half of everything I can't stand from our society. You know what I'm talking about. These kids who see more of a cell phone screen than they do the real world. They are so desensitized to life that it leads me to believe that the stiff acting from Harley, probably isn't acting at all.

So Yoga Hosers is like watching today's youth attempt to work, while in reality caring about nothing more than the next text on their phone, making party plans, and then, oh yeah, stopping an army of Kevin Smith Sausage monsters.

The constant puns and jokes relying on people still thinking puns and jokes about Canada are funny, just, well, aren't funny at this point. That era ended with the South Park movie and how long ago was that?

For whatever reason, the movie sort of feels dated too. Like this should have been a made for TV movie on Nickelodean in the 90's.

It's a family movie that's for sure, but it's a movie for Kevin Smith's family.

If you want to make movies just for sake of making movies or creative release, do so, and watch them in your own house. Don't expect me to pay for them. So, to continue on, we are going to be force fed his daughter, not by the movie industry, but by Kevin Smith himself, whether we like it or not.

It's cool man you can put out movies with no compromise, I get that, I do, but who are you trying to prove that to?

Word of advice... ...I can go eat something I have never eaten before and give my toilet an original never-before-seen piece of crap, but in the end, it's still a piece of crap.

My full review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CScvW0jtvw

Unwatchable

[daryldemarco-752-177177 · 1/10 · 1 December 2020]

At first I gave it a chance... I have seen some bad films in the past and endured them to the end but I honestly could not continue the painful experience that this film put me through for 28min. I did skip forward a few times in hope it might get to the point. I doubt though that anyone involved actually knew what the film was a bout. Confusing and badly executed.... I think one star is fair due to it being unwatchable for me... good luck to anyone that makes it to the end.

In All Seriousness What Happened to Kevin Smith?

[NileFortnerBoogieBuddha954 · 2/10 · 5 December 2016]

Now when I first saw the trailer to Kevin Smith's (Clerks, Dogma) Yoga Hosers I was a little surprised. Now for those who have not seen the trailer for this film, and are asking yourself "What the Hell are some Yoga Hosers?" The trailer focuses on the two Canadian girls from Smith's last film, Tusk. Who work at a convenience store, and encounter Nazi sausages. Seriously. When I saw the trailer, my immediate instinct reaction was "What the f*ck?" It wasn't that what the f*ck with anger, it wasn't what the f*ck with confusion, it really was just a simple what the f*ck. Now I love Kevin Smith films. He always seemed like a cool person, he is well spoken, writes scripts with compelling characters and story, and he seems like the kind of guy you could easily talk with. His last film Tusk, in my opinion was his worst film. The films plot was there and it sounded great. What I personally didn't enjoy was the pace of the film and the characters. At least that film had a story wrapped around in it. Most people, including myself love the art form of filmmaking and movies for two main reasons. That being a story the audience can connect to and characters and audience can connect to. In my opinion, Yoga Hosers has very little story, with characters an audience cannot connect to, it isn't that funny, it's annoying, and I personally didn't get it.

I do not know if Kevin Smith made this film to mess with critics, the media, and fans. Or is he just this bad of a filmmaker now? Sadly, out there in the world there really is an individual who has a film script. A film script with story, compelling characters, a story that is a breath of fresh air, and a script that is really written with heart. Unfortunately, we may never have a chance to see it, because Kevin Smith had to bring us f*cking Yoga Hosers.

Sorry Ah-Boot That

I don't know where to start with this film. For God's sake, there is even a Marvel cameo of Stan Lee in this! I didn't go into this movie thinking it was terrible. I saw it on Netflix, went in with a clear unbiased mind, and 80 minutes later I'm shocked. The one good part of this movie is Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp. Those two actually to capture the spirit of Clerks in a way. I found them to be a little funny. But the rest of it is just bad acting and really bad Canadian jokes. They run the same joke into the ground over and over and over and over again. I didn't know it was possible to offend and be prejudice towards Canadians. After seeing this movie, well Goddamn it is possible if you're Kevin Smith. We f*cking get it, Canadians say EH (A) ever so often. When they say about, sometimes it sounds like they are saying Ah- boot. At first it is a chuckle. After that, it is just sad; the whole movie is Eh and Ah-boot!

That damn title card pops up every ten minutes when they introduce a character is bad! It looks like a want to be Scott Pilgrim and Suicide Squad.The cast is talented, but the story and they way it's written is completely ridiculous. Pucky Charms cereal ever ten minutes in your face, terrible Canadian slang jokes, looks like a 1990s video game in 2016, and this is the director of Clerks, Dogma, and Chasing Amy. There is no way in Hell this movie was made seriously, it is clearly a joke. A joke I personally do not find funny.

This film is worse than Tusk. If you enjoyed it, I am more than glad you did. Maybe I just don't get the joke. Kevin Smith's down dude since day one is in this, Mr. Jason Mewes! And even he is in this for two minutes, with the look on his face like yeah I don't need this right now. Really it is a shame, it's a mess, and I will always like and respect Kevin Smith. But recently his work, his legacy, his films have gone so far down the sh*tter I don't think he can cleanly come back up. Sorry Ah-boot that, yeah you should be sorry for this sh*t you call a movie!

I believe this "movie" earns a…

2 out of 10.

Worst Kevin Smith film.

How to Spend 88 Minutes of Your Life Watching a Comedy without Laughing

[claudio_carvalho · 1/10 · 20 January 2017]

In the 90's, Kevin Smith became an icon with "Clerks", "Malllrats" "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma". Unfortunately along his next works, he has never reached the same success again.

"Yoga Hosers" is probably the bottom of his career, with an unfunny and annoying story. His daughter and Johnny Depp's daughter acting are terrible and they only had this chance because of the influence of their fathers with the producers. The name of Johnny Depp is embarrassing and used to lure the viewers. In the end, "Yoga Haters" is a means to spend 88 minutes of your life watching a comedy without laughing. My vote is one (awful).

Title (Brazil): Not available

virtually unwatchable

[timber01 · 1/10 · 17 March 2017]

I love most of Kevin Smith's movies and I enjoy his recent stuff that steps outside his norms as he plays with whatever ideas intrigue him but this is the one notable exception. The movie had so much potential and fell so far short of it that the movie is virtually unwatchable. The acting sucks, even notable actors gave crappy performances in this. The fake Canadian accents and dialog had me turn the movie off twice before I was able to finally force myself to sit through the rest of it. Hopefully his next venture isn't as fantastically bad as this one was.

A Comedy Without Any Laughs

[Michael_Elliott · 23 September 2016]

Yoga Hosers (2016)

* (out of 4)

Friends Colleen (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen (Harley Quinn Smith) are invited to a Senior party but they end up having to work at the local convenient store. They invite the boys back to the store for a party by they're attacked by some Nazi sausages.

Yes, writer/director Kevin Smith has followed the ultra-bizarre TUSK up with an even stranger movie that isn't nearly as creative. You know, I got the great opportunity to see Smith in person during one of his "conversations" and he's a terrific and fun guy. I mean, you gotta admire the man for what he has accomplished in his career and during the chat he talked about people questioning him and that he will do the type of films that he wants. I really, truly and 100% respect that and I admire any filmmaker who wants to take chances and do weird things.

With that said, just because I respect the filmmaker doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy the picture. Sadly, YOGA HOSERS is a really awful movie that doesn't work on any level outside of being weird, strange and in all reality original. Yes, Nazi sausages are on display here and you've got to at least admit that you've never seen that before. The problem is that Smith's screenplay is just weird and for a comedy it's never funny. That's the most shocking thing to me because Smith is one of the best dialogue writers out there yet this film just seems flat and lifeless.

I don't know if the point of this film is to give his daughter and Depp's daughter a film to go and if perhaps Daddy Smith and Daddy Depp are just here having some goofy fun. Perhaps that's the case but you still have to have some sort of laughs. At just 89-mintues the film is rather short but it drags on to the point where around the twenty-minute mark I was already looking at my clock. I will say that the two leads are actually good together and have a nice chemistry, which just makes you wish even more that they had something better to work with. Johnny Depp returns to his role from TUSK and adds to the weirdness.

YOGA HOSERS is just another flat out weird movie but sadly this one here isn't nearly as effective as TUSK. With the lack of laughs this movie is pretty much dead in the water, which is really too bad.

When a guy goes super manchild, has a daughter and teams up with Johnny Depp and his daughter then writes a script.

[KineticSeoul · 2/10 · 8 December 2016]

I know Kevin Smith is the type of guy that does have a sense of humor, and is good at telling stories that is based on his life. This is basically a montage of stuff put together by Kevin Smith to promote his daughter and to build a bond with Johnny Depp. So he tries very hard to make it funny, edgy, slick, hip, angsty and cool. But it's all just so darn annoying and contrived, and let me tell you...This is a very annoying movie to sit through. I can see what Kevin Smith was trying to do, at least for some of it but it falters in every level. From the introduction of the characters, which he probably tried to rip off of Scott Pilgrim to the awful dialogue. Watching this is like watching an adult trying to relive he teenage years but more difficult to watch. And the two duo which is composed of Kevin Smith's daughter and Johnny Depp's daughter. And they are more irritating and annoying to watch than the duo from "Ghost World". At least in "Ghost World" it had a purpose but this one does not. And most of the screen time is taken up with the teenage duo doing awkward yoga and awkward singing. It's fine if people want to do these kinds of stuff during their free time but it doesn't mean it's pleasant to watch. You know those people that thinks they are so much cooler than everyone else, so they gossip and talks trash about everyone except the ones that genuinely cares about them. Well that is the two characters in this, sure teenagers can do dumb things. I use to do dumb things as well, but the duo just go beyond that in this. They aren't evil teens just very very very annoying to watch teens. If they did dumb stuff and it was at least clever or funny than there would be a difference. You as an audience won't get a single laugh out of this. Even the laughter from the characters in this flick seemed so forced and fake. As a matter of fact, everything about this movie seemed forced. Johnny's daughter will probably make it to stardom thanks to her father's resources and connections. But I can't say the same for Kevin Smith's daughter. This whole movie is a montage of "hey guys look what my daughter can do". Overall, if you want to waste time getting annoyed and irritated for almost an hour and 30 minutes than give this a try. If not, then I highly recommend you stay away from this one.

2/10

Silly, with tongue in cheek.

[highlander_31527 · 6/10 · 25 December 2018]

I have seen reviews here bashing the movie. Yoga Hosers is no Godfather. This is obvious. I have been watching Kevin Smith movies for nearly 25 years. Instead, look at the fun the actors are having. This movie stars Johnny Depp, his kids, with Kevin Smiths daughter, Johnny Depp's ex girlfriend and mother of his children, Kevin Smith and wife, Jason Mewes, Stan The Man Lee....all of these people friends. It was done for fun, and to poke fun at Canada and millenial culture. If I had the pull and the money, I'd do it too. Kevin Smith does this, every now and then grabs up his friends and makes something silly, and goes back to making the movies that earn huge amounts of money. Does no one remember the line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back? You make the safe film, then you make the art film. And sometimes, you make a film for your friends. That is Kevin Smith. Sometimes he just wants to have fun with his friends. The relationship Kevin Smith has with his daughter is one that every father should dream of having. Or am I the only one moved by seeing Harley Quinn Smith in tears when Kevin Smith gave her the bat used by Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad as a gift? And Depp. It is like he has a side of him that reasonates with Kevin Smith. He plays a lot of roles in movies, but seeing him onscreen during one scene with his daughter and cracking wise that she may not be old enough for what he is talking about was great. The movie is not in my top fifty, but it was nice to see friends and family making jokes and enjoying themselves.

Wankapalooza

[Dr_Mick_Mach · 2/10 · 10 December 2016]

I love Kevin Smith. Seriously think he's one of the most engaging, funny, clever people going around. I've been a regular at his Smodcasts, live shows, q&a's, watched all his movies, twitter feed etc etc, so it pains me to say that this is one of the biggest pieces of sh!t I have ever seen. An in joke wankfeast from start to finish, I gave it 2 stars rather than one only to honour the memory of his early funny films and what an all round good dude he seems to be in general. It's great that Kev has the money to do whatever and indulge whoever the f@ck he wants, I'd love to have that life too. But I don't, so I had to put up with wasting 90 minutes of my life being smacked around by the snotty end of Big Kev's fuckstick. The most entertaining part was Ralph Gorman doing his Hollywood BabbleOn schtick without having to do call outs to drunken white trash from the third world suburbs of bumfuck Idaho. When Kevin announced his retirement from movies I was disappointed, but after this unfunny self indulgent Wankapalooza, I'd rather he stuck to the talk circuit where he's still awesome as hell.

The Tale of a True Tortured Artist

[fireshade-13250 · 10/10 · 4 November 2018]

Although on surface level this film may appear to be nothing more than an unserious flick, however I would argue otherwise. In order to truly grasp the deeper meaning of this fine film one must turn to the tragic background of the main antagonist - longing to become a world-famous artist, Andronicus Arcane finds himself continuously shot down by harsh art critics that fail to understand his vision.

Fed up with continually being lambasted, he withdraws into himself, eventually coming to the realization that he wasn't born to merely be a fine artist, but rather a creator of life. He then goes to work creating bratwurst beings pulled from his own DNA that he then freezes along with himself, timed to wake up within a hundred years. However, his plans take an unexpected turn when him and his bratwurst companions are unexpectedly awoken by the two Colleens.

Eventually he decides to unveil his newest sculpture to the Colleens, and upon receiving constructive/good feedback he feels as if at last he has made it. He puts his bratwurst creations into the sculpture, directing his children to destroy his haters. However, things take a dark turn quickly when his own creation turns on him and kills him.

It's a tale full of unfulfilled dreams, personal anguish, and pathos. It's a modern Greek tragedy - Frankenstein reinterpreted - a story that delves into the depths of man and his relationship to his creations, and how man has the ability to overstep his boundaries and into the realm of God, only to be shot down for his hubris. The film also discusses the topic of life and art - how art imitates life far more than life imitates art, and how art is the giving of oneself over wholly to expression, whether that form of expression be visual or otherwise. One can only achieve a masterpiece when one creates something that is timeless in its truth, and honest in its perspective concerning the human experience. That being said, I must be obliged to give the film a 10/10, as I felt that it has explored the depths of the human soul and experience.

If you know what your getting into...Solid fun!

[lyonrichardson · 6/10 · 17 September 2016]

Kevin Smith definitely didn't shoot for the moon, or aim to make this for everyone, or even most...he made this for his fans from the Podcast, and to give his daughter an avenue to stretch her new found skills.

The movie is fun. the performances in it all shine at different moments...the two standouts being Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe and Tony Hale as Lily-Rose Depp's Dad...Solid and funny.

The girls grew on me after awhile...which was surprising, only to the fact that watching teen girls on their phones and chatting back and forth...in real life can be annoying...But Smith makes it funny, and paced well.

Overall...if the preview intrigues you...see it.

If not...it's OK to skip...it's not for you.

Much ado aboot nothing.......

[FlashCallahan · 2/10 · 11 November 2016]

Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie are two teenage best friends from Winnipeg who spend their lives doing Yoga with their faces in their phones, 'Liking' or 'Not Liking' the real world around them.

But when these girls are invited to a Senior party by the school hottie, the Colleens accidentally uncover an ancient evil, long buried beneath the Manitoba earth......

The second part of a proposed trilogy, coming after the quite entertaining Tusk, Yoga Hosers is one of those rare films that begs the question 'what on earth happened to Kevin Smith?'.

22 years ago he was a fundamental part of how independent movies and comedies changed by releasing the phenomenal Clerks into the world on a shoestring budget.

That film had wonderful pop culture references, brilliant observations about the real world and self realisation, and it was hilarious to boot.

This has a bevy of family members and special guest stars doing nothing more than mugging at the screen, has a villain who does nothing more than spend the final third of the film doing really bad impressions of famous people, and to top it all off, has no coherence whatsoever.

So a party unleashes an evil which takes the form of racially incorrect sausages that kill on command, and only Kevin and Johnny's Daughter can save the day, with a little help from Johnny's Son and Ex-partner.

If it wasn't for Depp returning as Dupoint, this could have easily been one of the worst films that I have ever seen, but Depp is clearly having a ball reprising his role, and the film goes from downright offensive to mediocre whenever he's on screen.

And the use of the word Aboot is tiring when you hear it more than once. It's already been done, over seventeen years ago with the South Park movie, and was a lot funnier.

It's a poor excuse for a film, and considering its from someone whom I once considered to be a bit of a genius, it just makes it all that little bit more worse.

Horrid stuff, bar Depp's leftfield performance.

New low for Kevin Smith

[aperfecte-933-772386 · 1/10 · 6 September 2016]

Love Kevin but if he makes stuff like Yoga Hosers he shouldn't be surprised why he's being trolled about the movie.. Even a blind man could tell you this movie sucks with all the puns in the movie and saying "abooout" a million times thinking it's somehow funnier each time it's said.. Even Kevin knew this movie won't be liked and he had trash and had to give people a disclaimer that lots of people will hate it and the ratings would be bad.. I know this is Kevin's experimental phase which is a good idea on paper but you're running the legacy you've previously earned with Clerks and etc...

It's easy for you to get back the money for the investors because the main reason why people view it is during your movie tour because you talk to them about the movie before and have a Q&A at the end which is why the fans suffered through the movie so they can talk to you and be blinded by Kevin's holiness and secretly some if not most of your die hard fans are lying to them self that they liked it.

I'm not a critic but a fan and paid my hard earn cash to watch this to be entertained.. came out disappointed and felt like someone stole money from my pocket and hit me on the head with a hammer and I got knocked out and lost 1 hour and 30 minutes of my life that I'll never get back which is a lot worse than the the money that was stolen Kevin's writing has clearly gone down the hill so here's a tip... try making more movies with scripts that wasn't written by you. It's been awhile since you've made a movie that people like. Read more scripts from fans or try to collaborate with other screenplay writers that you like although it's going to get other to work for you will all your flops.

BTW just wondering if Smith is losing his fan boys and is trying to tap into the stoner market because that's what he always talks about that during any interviews he does

So Sorey to Have Seen It

[bkrauser-81-311064 · 1/10 · 3 September 2016]

Yoga Hosers is to film what dirty outdoor bum f***ing is to hygiene. To say this film is an insult to bratwurst, yoga, beavers, French Canadians, demon worship, Jean Chretien and the province of Manitoba would be an understatement comparable to calling the Hindenburg a bad day in New Jersey. Years ago, someone must have approached director Kevin Smith with a Brewster's Millions (1985)-type proposition only instead of wasting money he's trying to get his fans to die of embarrassment en mass. The man has constructed a personal brand that embodies and cashes in on the aloof, dropout, knower-of-all, master-of-none, slacker quintessence that made Comic- Book Guy from the Simpsons (1989-Present) such a fan favorite. Then like a common drug dealer, the man sold his brand to damaged people, made a tidy profit and probably sits in a cozy man-cave of obsolescence cluttered with Batman memorabilia, laughing as the good s**t he used to sling is being cut with baking soda.

The thing in Yoga Hosers that loosely resembles a plot, revolves around best friends Colleen (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen (Smith). They kinda-sorta have a band, kinda-sorta have family lives and kinda- sorta work at a convenience store called the Ah-2-Zed because...Canada. Their existence as terminally flighty, yoga-loving, teenage girls is completely upended when a dark presence threatens to...you know what, I can't. I really can't. Going over the plot in my head and attempting to regurgitate it like a half-eaten poutine is giving me an embolism. Let's just say going over the story beat by beat, would have the same effect on you the reader as the Ark of the Covenant.

This movie makes no sense. It doesn't make sense from a narrative perspective, it doesn't make sense from a character perspective, it don't make sense from a marketing perspective or really any perspective that requires you to, you know, have eyes, ears and a sense of self. Smith is clearly gunning for the apparently coveted "so-bad-it's- good" slot of your film-going memory that I'm surprised he didn't include a tobacco spitting talking cupcake. And no, Smith himself playing the army of Nazi sausages that are unceremoniously dismembered throughout the film, does not make me feel better about it.

The thing about Smith's more than half-over True North trilogy is it throws itself into the realm of badness and asks you to love it, like a fussy, crap-covered toddler who tipped over its training potty. It tries oh so hard to be the next The Room (2003) completely ignoring the fact that not even The Room wanted to be The Room! To accomplish this, the movie hobnobs every tired lounge-club comedian stereotype of entitled Millenials and polite Canadians and mingles them with Nazi scientist clichés, tacky monster effects, View Askew cameos and the jokes your dad laughed at in Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993).

And another thing while we're on the subject of living, breathing examples of eye-rolling lethargy. Kevin Smith can't write; there I said it. Sure he has a penchant for snappy dialogue but there's way more to good writing than characters spewing lines with the cadence of a drumline. Good writing needs character arcs, themes, foreshadowing, mood, structure, all the stuff that doesn't lend itself to a Clerks (1994) callback. Smith sacrifices all that in this film so he can feel a sense of accomplishment, being a 47-year-old man writing two fourteen-year-old's like they're out of a Diablo Cody story. That and to have an opportunity to chew the fat with Johnny Depp for three pointless movies.

Yoga Hosers is inept on an almost molecular level. It literally has nothing to offer even the most die hard of Kevin Smith fans, except quite loudly turning the phrase, "wasted potential" from a pseudo- badge of honor, to shriek-level mortification. Quite frankly it's a travesty. If this movie were personified in any way, I'd dunk its face in a shallow pool of water until the bubbles stopped.

yoga hosers - take off, eh!

[drdeathforpresident · 1/10 · 3 September 2016]

WOW - that's it; that's my review. Thank you & good night! Nepotism alert! Nepotism alert! Hey Kevin, please give me my ten bucks, thanks man. Kevin Smith made a student film starring his friends and family. How does this crap get made?! I'll tell you what though, you will be seeing a lot more of Johnny's daughter, she is a great actress (that's pretty much the only positive I've got) Now let me get to this stinkfest: Two Colleen's run a convenience store in Canada(oddly enough they can't speak a lick of Canadian, eh.) They fall in love with a young Brad Pitt wannabe who wants to sacrifice them (well, of course he does)& then the Nazi sausages attack. These guys are the wurst. This is what the movie is a boot.

Watching YOGA HOSERS is like stabbing yourself in the eye with an ice pick

[Ramascreen · 1/10 · 31 August 2016]

I watched #YogaHosers at Comic-Con and I ended up regretting it. In fact, I walked out of that place halfway through because the film was so awful, I couldn't even tolerate it. And perhaps I'm not the right audience for it, who knows, maybe it's an acquired taste thing. And I do have a lot of respect for Kevin Smith, I honestly do. If you've seen videos of his interviews or if you've seen him talk, the guy is articulate, he's funny, he's modest, he understands that filmmaking is a collaborative effort, it's like listening to a teacher speak. But YOGA HOSERS has got to be the worst film of 2016, hands down.

Part of true north trilogy which is a horror comedy series by Kevin Smith that started with "Tusk" and will end with "Moose Jaws," YOGA HOSERS is about best friends Colleens, one is Colleen McKenzie, played by Kevin Smith's daughter who has the coolest name on earth, Harley Quinn Smith, and the other is Colleen Collette, played by Johnny Depp's daughter, Lily-Rose Depp. And so the Colleens have after school job at Manitoban convenient store where an ancient nazi evil rises from beneath Canada's crust.

The film also features a lot of people from Kevin Smith's circle, plus a cameo by Johnny Depp whose great talent is absolutely wasted here. Look, to be fair, at the screening I attended, Kevin was there and he said if you like the movie, then that's good, if you hate the movie, that's cool too, man, meaning it sounds like Kevin is at a point in his career where he just doesn't care anymore about good storytelling quality. And sometimes, not caring can potentially be beneficial, sometimes there's power in not caring what other people think about you and your work. But in this case, it backfires.

Watching YOGA HOSERS is like stabbing yourself in the eye with an ice pick. Just the super duper tiny villain himself and how he enters the scene are just atrocious, and at one point, the two girls were just fighting these cloned little bastards inside that convenient store, that scene pretty much describes the entire movie, which is a complete farce. You might argue in defense of this movie calling it Canadian "Clerks," but that won't hold up considering how well-written "Clerks" was. Perhaps Kevin has lost his mojo, who the hell knows. But I think it's time for Kevin to just make movies based on somebody else's screenplay because I still do believe that he's a good director but he shouldn't do his own materials, he should throw everything he writes out the window and down to the landfill, and just direct either adaptations or somebody else's original story. YOGA HOSERS is an obnoxious movie that nobody should ever see.

-- Rama's Screen --

An utter waste of time/space/energy

[gen_bj · 1/10 · 16 June 2017]

Wow. As a previous fan of Kevin Smith, I am completely gobsmacked as to how this was ever created. This was unbearable. The time, the energy and the money put into this production is a complete and utter waste - and everyone associated with it's existence should be ashamed of themselves. How they managed to get such revered actors to be a part of this production is completely incomprehensible. Kevin Smith - it appears as if you're trying to mock current cultural traits but you have failed miserably to get the message across. You were once absolutely awesome - but seem to be on a steady decline. Shame, man. I hope you find your spark again.

Great potential, wasted

[siderite · 7/10 · 4 March 2017]

It started with a great song, has some charming girls as the protagonists and a ton of celebrity actors that came in to bring their support. Some of the jokes are hilarious and the setup was awesome.

Imagine this movie starring the Depp and Smith daughters, with their families in tow: Johnny Depp, Vanessa Paradis, Jack Depp, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, with support from the likes of Haley Joel Osment, Justin Long, Austin Butler. Stan Lee is in this movie! And it's a Canadian parody with Yoga hosers chicks fighting devil worshipers and Nazis "the Yoga way". Wow!

And now jump to the film itself which, with this much going for it, barely scratched the average. After the first 30 minutes I was thinking up funny ways of congratulating Kevin Smith for this funny and imaginative movie. After that, though, it all went downhill.

I guess the biggest quarrel with the thing is its inconsistency, jumping from great fun to silly and to plain bad and back again in a matter of seconds. Kevin, I love you, but you need to think your scripts through, man!

Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen

[icpemsby · 1/10 · 18 December 2016]

I realize that I am not the target audience but I wonder what self respecting teen girl will watch this movie and think it's good and I am a Kevin Smith fan but not a teenage girl. There is something genuinely poor about watching American actors do poor...very poor impressions of Canadian stereotypes. I personally have been in Canada my entire life and have never heard anyone say "aboot" instead of "about". It also strikes me as odd that the movie pokes fun at the Canuck and is shot in America. If your going to make such fun of Canada it would be nice to put some money into the economy of the country you are so freely jesting about, after all this is the "True North" trilogy. I found with surprise Jen Schwalbach to be unexpectedly funny and the bright spot of this...film, this may have been in part that her role plays into what seems to be the "angry feminist" persona she seems to have in real life. This seems to be a family pet project movie, a trilogy in which both the Smiths and Depps can make family memories and say that daddy's and daughters made a movie together but this certainly doesn't add stock to most involved. I would also fear that it hurts the image of the average Canadian and seems to make us look like the idiot nice guys however I'm not sure enough people are going to see this movie for me to care to much. Definitely one of the if not the worst movie I've ever seen. Hopefully "Moose Jaws" marks either the upswing of a new season in Smiths career or the point in which he is no longer given money to make anymore movies....I'm guessing neither though.

Its supposed to be absurd

[laungnome · 10/10 · 19 December 2016]

I loved it. I loved that it was a family affair all around. Kevin Smith's daughter, and then Johnny Depp, Lily-Rose, and even Vanessa Paradis. Come on, how much fun is that?! I loved Johnny Depp's character, freaking hilarious. I was cracking up at all the Canadian jokes and bad accents. Justin Long and Adam Brody were fun as well.

Its absurd, and its a bunch of puns. Which is exactly what I love. Plus it had a pretty awesome Scott Pilgrim feel to it.

This a good movie for easy laughs, awesome puns, fun easter eggs, and actually some damn good comedic acting. Its supposed to be over the top and they did it right.

#Soarrynotsoarry I loved it!

If you like Kevin Smith content, go see this movie.

[michaelknobbe · 6/10 · 31 August 2016]

Let me say that first and foremost you should absolutely go see this movie if you're a fan of Kevin Smith movies. Being a fan of his many podcasts and TV shows doesn't hurt either because while this is a fun movie, at no point did I as an audience member forget that I was actively watching a Kevin smith film. The best part of this film for me was that it was abundantly clear that the people on set involved in this movie were having a good time making it which is absolutely refreshing. The only downside, though minor, was that it didn't really pull me into the universe that this film lives within as much as it could have. But hey! GO SEE THIS MOVIE AND FIND YOUR OWN OPINION OF IT!

Mr.Smith, onto Moosejaws please :)

Dude what were you thinking.

[sssnaky-856-782861 · 1/10 · 15 November 2016]

I think I get what Kevin Smith was trying to do. But by portraying young girl the way adults see them is not funny to anyone. The younger people watching will be insulted and the adult will be annoyed. For a small comedic moment I can see it but not for over an hour.

Secondly. Kevin Smith REALLY should of made just a little research into Canada. I have never heard that accent in my life. It's not a real one. It's an accent made up by comedians. The only accent that is accurate is Jony Depp. French Canadian from Montreal do speak like that but the rest of the cast just got on my nerves. Also in Canada we have 11 grades then college then university. Speaking of we have world renown University's he didn't need to invent one.

Now this part I understand because the U.S. is very patriotic but we really aren't. We love our country and are proud to be Canadian but we don't have beavers, flags, maple syrup, and so on everywhere. Most Canadian can't even sing the anthem by heart. We have no need to shove our patriotism down anyone's throat.

And lastly, alto this could be only for "plot" sake, the only part we had in WWII in Canada was a secret lab under the university of McGill in Montreal were the atomic bomb was built by Americans.

Now if you have no clue about anything from Canada and you don't mind a movie with a weird "plot" then sure. If not then stay away. It's not just bad it is, in my opinion, a movie to cast there kids and make money.

I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith. From clerks to Dogma and the red state. But this is just awful. I can see Jersy girl being a good movie in his head while doing it but this one I am pretty sure even Kevin Smith didn't think it was good.

Trash with a fancy bow on it

[borgolarici · 3/10 · 12 May 2022]

There's not much to say about this movie: it could have been funny bur it wasn't. It had everything to be funny, yet failed.

It could only work for a teenagers sleepover for its trash value.