Jessica Jones (TV Series)

A.K.A. 99 Friends (2015)

Jessica Hecht: Audrey Eastman

Quotes 

• Jessica Jones : [tantrum at the Eastmans]  You think you're the only ones who've lost people? You think you're the only ones with pain? You think you can take your shit and dump it on me? You don't get to do that! So you take your goddamn pain and you live with it, assholes! You lost your parents? Welcome to the goddamn club! I lost mine in some random accident! Do you see me trying to kill every shitty driver? No! Because I don't work my shit out on other people! So keep your goddamn feelings to YOURSELF!

  [pause] 

  Jessica Jones : Ninety-nine. You wanted to know how many of us there are? The last time I counted, I had ninety-nine Gifted friends. In this borough alone. And now, every single one of them is going to know about the shit you tried to pull... And they hate attempted murder, they really do. The cops hate it too, you know, because it's against the law.

  Carlo Eastman : Please don't kill us. We're gonna leave you alone.

  Jessica Jones : There's only one thing that you can do to save yourselves.

  Audrey Eastman : What?

  Jessica Jones : Disappear. Nobody, especially me, ever hears from you again. Me and my friends will stop by tomorrow to make sure you heard me.

  [Leaves] 

  Carlo Eastman : I want a divorce.

• Audrey Eastman : Get her on the plastic.

  Carlo Eastman : How?

  Audrey Eastman : I have a gun on her for Christ's sake Carlo!

  Jessica Jones : You shoot at me, I'll pull the bullet out of my ruined jacket and shove it up your ass with my pinky finger, and who do you think that's gonna hurt more?

• Jessica Jones : The kind of pictures you're asking for, they're hard to look at. They're harder to forget.

  Audrey Eastman : That's what I pay my shrink for.

  Jessica Jones : Circle of life.

• Jessica Jones : Look, you're obviously pissed off about something, but I'm pretty sure for the first time this has nothing to do with Kilgrave - he's smarter than you two.

  Audrey Eastman : Kilgrave? Who's Kilgrave? Is he another one of you people? How many more are there like you?

  Jessica Jones : How many more what, private eyes?

  Audrey Eastman : "Gifted". Stupid word. It's like calling someone "special". You're not "special", you're retarded. You're not "gifted", you're a freak.

  Jessica Jones : What have we, or the mentally challenged, ever done to you?

  Audrey Eastman : "You saved the city." That's what the newspapers said: "You were heroes."

  Jessica Jones : [confused]  Not me.

  Audrey Eastman : "The city was saved"... But I was there. I saw what really happened... I saw my mother crushed to death under a building that you people destroyed.

  Jessica Jones : In the incident?

  Audrey Eastman : I was trying to pull my mother out from the rubble, watching her bleed to death... While all around me, you people were raining down hell!

  Jessica Jones : So go after the big green guy, or the flag waver - I wasn't even there!

  Audrey Eastman : Consider it a preventative measure for next time!

• Audrey Eastman : It's Carlo. I... I thought I'd gotten used to his lies and his wandering penis. My lawyer says that I need pictures for the divorce. Of Carlo and his...

  Jessica Jones : Mistress.

  Audrey Eastman : Skank! Nothing plays like pictures in court. He'll ask for alimony. I'm not giving him shit. I need you to catch him in flagrante. You know, in the act...

  Jessica Jones : I know what "in flagrante" means.

• Audrey Eastman : Carlo thinks I'm an idiot. But I can smell it on him every time he sneaks into bed at 3:00 in the morning. Wouldn't be his first affair, either. Some people can't keep their lives in check. They just go along blindly ruining the lives of everyone in their path. I'm sick of pretending it doesn't matter. How long have you been in business?

  Jessica Jones : Why do you ask?

  Audrey Eastman : I want to know that if I write you a check, you'll stick around long enough to earn it.

  Jessica Jones : I'll earn it.

• Audrey Eastman : Look, I... I don't care if you have to knock down his door to do it. I want you to get those pictures. In fact, I want him to know that he is being photographed.

  Jessica Jones : So that's it? Follow your husband and take sex pictures?

  Audrey Eastman : Isn't that enough?

  Jessica Jones : And your divorce lawyer. Dexter...

  Audrey Eastman : Desmond Tobey.

  Jessica Jones : Tobey, right. He referred you to me himself?

  Audrey Eastman : Yes, I already told you that.

  Jessica Jones : And you haven't had any conversations with a British man? Dark hair, well-dressed?

  Audrey Eastman : What?

  Jessica Jones : [taking paperwork out of her desk]  Standard contract. I require a 50% deposit up front.

• Audrey Eastman : Did you follow him?

  Jessica Jones : Wait, what?

  Audrey Eastman : Where are you? Jessica? Hello? Jessica?

  [suspicious, Jessica hangs up, and she can hear Audrey through the door] 

  Audrey Eastman : Are you there? Jessica? Can you hear me? Where... where is Carlo?

  Jessica Jones : [opening the doors]  He's three feet to your right, asshole.

• Carlo Eastman : You're bulletproof?

  [Jessica shrugs; Audrey fires her gun, and Jessica yelps in pain] 

  Carlo Eastman : Jesus!

  Audrey Eastman : Nope, not bulletproof.

  Carlo Eastman : Audrey, this is insane. Honey, we don't have to do this. We can walk out of here right now...

  Audrey Eastman : She doesn't have laser eyes, either, or she would have used them.

  Jessica Jones : Laser eyes? Who said I had laser eyes? Oh, that dick with the Aston Martin. I served him a subpoena.

  Audrey Eastman : Gregory Spheeris. I sell to his wife. They're very talky.