The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure (2014)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Over the years, Universal Studios has celebrated its movie legacy by slowly converting its Hollywood studio location into a big amusement park for the public and destroying film history. You know the opera house set from the classic Phantom of the Opera that stood on Stage 28 for 90 years? Destroyed. The oldest surviving movie set in history gone over night to make way for a Harry Potter ride.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Could you imagine going to Universal and the lines are that short? That would be your lucky day, that would be like a two minute wait. But no, Woody's gotta send you away like, "Uh... go away asshole!

  [imitates Woody Woodpecker's laugh] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Fuck you, you Woody Bunny-fucking-pecker piece of shit!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : E.T., yes, the dreaded E.T. made almost 20 years after the so called worst game of all time on the Atari 2600. But would you believe, I shit you not, this version is far worse.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I should also mention that the main goal of the entire game is to collect stamps. Yeah, apparently, there's a big stamp collecting contest going on at Universal, so every time you finish one of the rides, they give you a stamp. So shooting at dinosaurs, flying around in a DeLorean, throwing barrels at sharks, all that is just about winning a stamp collecting contest. If I went on a ride at Universal and they gave me a stamp, I'd be like, "What the hell is this?" I'll tell you that's one time at Universal when you'd see me throw something in the trash can or better yet, I'd use the stamp on an envelope that I'd send a letter to the game developers asking them, "How the fuck did you take so many popular franchises and fuck them up so BAD?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Visit Universal Studios Theme Park. Experience the thrill, ride the movies, pick up fucking trash. The only theme park on Earth where you get to clean up after everybody else. Nothing gets you closer to the movies than wearing funny hats and collecting stamps. Book your trip now. But seriously, the park's dirty, we need someone to clean it up.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : But hey, Universal Theme Park was still a lot of fun. You know in the Back to the Future DeLorean and then there's volcanos and shit and then you're riding the bike with E.T. and then the... the truck comes and almost hit you and then you're on the waterfall and... then the T-Rex comes out and then... and then fucking Jaws is jumping out of the water and King Kong shaking the tram and then there's earthquakes and then there's those other movies that you don't even know what the fuck they are, nobody cares! It was awesome!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I wanna see Jaws, Jurassic Park, you have access to all these major franchises, but instead they just send the gamer around collecting trash? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? They should've called the game, Universal Theme Park Janitor. Yeah, great idea, right up there with Super Plumber Mario Toilet Cleaner. This kid isn't even an employee of the park, why would he have to pick up all this trash? Poor kid, imagine all the stuff he has to handle: fries that have been stepped in, wrappers that are covered in ants, paper bags that are filled with vomited cotton candy. UGH! Maybe he didn't buy a ticket or something, maybe that park has a special deal with him like, "Ok kid, we'll let you on the rides for free, but you gotta help us clean up all this trash."

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Dude, I fucking shook hands with E.T. I mean come on.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Even LJN, when they fucked up Jaws and Back to the Future, it was one at a time, not all at once and that was on NES. This is Gamecube. I thought by now, games this horrible would be extinct. I didn't even know it was possible to make something so rancid. I guess we'll just leave it at, it was a poor excuse of a game, just a shitty exploitation to promote the theme park. But it even fails at that. It's the worst promotion of all time.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So you get all this trash, throw them in the trash can, get enough points, and then guess what? You STILL can't get on the rides, because you have to cash the points in at the store and buy a fucking hat. Remember that time, you went to Universal, they wouldn't let you on the rides unless you wear a stupid fucking hat.

  [the Nerd laughs at how ridiculous the idea is] 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, only one more present left. Wanna take a peek? Yeah, let's take a peek.

  [rips the paper off a corner of the box to reveal an LJN logo] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!