Scream Queens (TV Series)

Pumpkin Patch (2015)

Lea Michele: Hester Ulrich

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chanel Oberlin : [planning her Halloween party]  Okay, music. Go.

  Hester Ulrich : I contacted Adam Levine, and Maroon 5 is in.

  Chanel Oberlin : Great. Go.

  Chanel #3 : Okay, well, the good news is I talked to Fergie's agent, and she's in. The bad news is, and this is totally on me, but I Googled "Fergie's agent", and ended up talking to this British guy before I realized his client was actually Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, so... my bad, both Fergies are coming.

  Chanel Oberlin : So stupid. But go.

  Chanel #5 : Okay, so, um... I wasn't able to get Led Zeppelin.

  Chanel Oberlin : What?

  Chanel #5 : Well, apparently, one of them died or something.

  Chanel Oberlin : Damn it, Number Five. Do you have any idea what's at stake here? If this Black Hairy Tongue Pumpkin Patch Maze Concert isn't the biggest thing to ever happen to this campus, I will lose the Kappa House presidency, and Chad Radwell will dump me.

  Chanel #5 : Okay, well, it's not my fault that some guy died in the '70s.

  Chanel Oberlin : Excuse me, then whose fault is it? Mine? I am *tired* of your excuses, #5. I am *tired* of your sad sack "I'm a total downer all the time" schtick! I asked you to reunite *one* legendary rock-and-roll outfit so that guys will show up to my patch, and you're all like "Oh, some guy died!"

  [stamps her high-heeled foot] 

  Chanel Oberlin : I'm over it!

  [storms off, then turns back] 

  Chanel Oberlin : We still have one more thing to do!

  [minions follow eagerly] 

• Hester Ulrich : I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm what you call a switch-hitter.

  Chanel #5 : Wait, are you bisexual? Because that's what switch-hitter means. You mean double-agent?

• Hester Ulrich : Look, I'm all for Zayday not being tortured or killed or whatever, but don't you think a girl who wants to be president of this house should be able to prove her abilities by escaping from the lair of a psychopath?

  Grace Gardner : That has nothing to do with being sorority president!

  Sam : Actually, in this sorority it would a pretty powerful campaign platform.

• Hester Ulrich : Did you kill him? Because if you did, you need to tell us all of the details, including what his eyes looked like when he took his last breath. They say in that moment, the soul tells all of its secrets.

  Chanel Oberlin : No, THEY don't. No one says that!

  Hester Ulrich : Yeah, they do.