Scream Queens (TV Series)

Seven Minutes in Hell (2015)

Emma Roberts: Chanel Oberlin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chanel Oberlin : I only gave you the job of tallying the votes because I thought you Rain Man types were super-good at counting. Or are you one of those idiot savants who's heavy on the idiot, light on the savant?

  Jennifer : I am neither, thank you very much. Years before the psychoanalytic society of America decided there was money to be made by creating what they called "the autism spectrum," I would've been considered a daydreamer or quirky, like a young Zooey Deschanel. I am not an idiot or a moron, I am simply a victim of my times.

  Hester Ulrich : Are you aware your pants are on backwards?

• [Chad prepares to break a window so Chanel can escape] 

  Chanel Oberlin : Save me and I'm yours forever!

  Chad Radwell : Uh... I'm not really sure I'm ready for that level of commitment.

  Chanel Oberlin : Chad, please? I'm trapped in the house with a killer! Break the glass!

  Chad Radwell : Not until you take back what you said.

  Chanel Oberlin : Fine, just save me, Chad!

  Chad Radwell : And?

  Chanel Oberlin : And I'm yours for an amount of time you feel is appropriate.

  Chad Radwell : Stand back, fair maiden. Chad's about to be a hero.

• Chanel Oberlin : #5, truth or dare?

  Chanel #5 : Truth.

  Chanel Oberlin : Okay, #5, does your vagina have teeth?

  Chanel #5 : That's insane. No, it doesn't, Chanel.

  Chanel Oberlin : I thought she wasn't allowed to lie.

  Chanel #5 : I'm not lying. My vagina doesn't have teeth.

  Chanel Oberlin : Can I rephrase the question? Does your vagina STILL have teeth?

  Chanel #5 : No, the answer is no!

  Chanel Oberlin : No, it no longer has teeth? So it used to have teeth but you got them removed?

  Chanel #5 : No, I didn't.

  Chanel Oberlin : So your vagina still has teeth? Which one is it, #5? Sounds like you're trapped in a web of lies!

• Chanel Oberlin : One recent stormy night, Chad and I watched Panic Room on Netflix, and Chad was like, "You totally need one of those," but Jodie Foster's was small and gross, so I decided to have the whole house turned into a panic room.

• Chad Radwell : Look Chanel, before I come and save you and whatnot, I gotta get some things off my chest. A, I had sex with the dean.

  Chanel Oberlin : What?

  Chad Radwell : Look, I'm prepared to say I'm sorry I did that. What I'm not prepared to do is say the sex was bad because it was not. Oh also, I hooked up with the security guard, Denise.

  Chanel Oberlin : Officer Hemphill?

  Chad Radwell : Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna apologize for that.

• Chanel Oberlin : The killer is standing right in front of us. Pretty convenient that you're the one who found the body.

  Hester Ulrich : I would be offended by that accusation, Chanel, if I wasn't so honored that you were thinking about me.

• Hester Ulrich : I suggest that just have someone stand guard and watch me for the rest of the night, or until someone else dies, therefore proving that I am not the killer. I nominate Chad.

  Chanel Oberlin : Screw that, Evil Harrington!

• Chanel Oberlin : I'm not gonna be co-president with a pledge! Farty McCandlewax clearly miscounted the votes!

  Grace Gardner : Calm down, Chanel. It's not Farty's fault.

• Chanel Oberlin : It's not my fault that my pumpkin patch was canceled. It's not my fault that some people didn't vote for me because they were too intimidated by my hotness. It's not my fault that because someone is killing Kappas, I didn't have time to individually bribe each and every one of you to vote for me. No, clearly there is only one person to blame for all of this: #5.

  Chanel #5 : Wait, what?

  Chanel Oberlin : I hate all of you for letting me down tonight, but #5, I hate you the most. I know it's on me that I chose idiots and weirdos to be my minions, but you are by far the most idiotic and the most weird and so I blame you more than any of them for not finding a way to ensure I retain my presidency tonight!

• Chanel Oberlin : Brilliant performance, I know. I've had to develop some serious acting skills to have sex with Chad.

• Chanel Oberlin : We all know you've been cozying up to Predatory Lez because you think she knows karate.

  Chanel #3 : I just like hanging out with her. She's cool to talk to. She knows a lot about... stuff.

  Chanel Oberlin : Are you going lesbian, #3? Because while I get that lezzie pledge is kind of cute in a 'If Bruce Lee were a D.J.' kinda way, I don't think we should be having sex with pledges!

• Chanel Oberlin : I don't understand why we're playing Spin the Bottle. There are exactly zero wangers here.

• Zayday Williams : What are you guys doing?

  Chanel Oberlin : Making chocolate-covered-peanuts for Chanel's special s'mores.

  Grace Gardner : But those are packing peanuts. That doesn't seem healthy.

  Chanel Oberlin : Uh yeah, it cuts the calorie content in, like, half.

• Chanel Oberlin : Chad, listen, you have to help us. We're trapped in the house and the power went out and my phone is the only one that's working because I'm pretty sure the killer knocked down a cell tower or something.

  Chad Radwell : Wait, why does yours work?

  Chanel Oberlin : Because mine's a satellite phone! Elon Musk gave it to me, it's designed for space travel. My dad is super-gross-rich, Chad!

  Chad Radwell : I know, that's my favorite thing about you, baby!

• Chanel Oberlin : Chad, I am about to get murdered, so can you please just hang up and get over here?

  Chad Radwell : Chad Radwell is on the way.

  Chanel Oberlin : I love you, Chad.

  [awkward silence] 

  Chanel Oberlin : Hello?

  Chad Radwell : I love you too, sorta.

• Chanel Oberlin : If she's dead and all the doors are locked from the outside, that means the killer is in the house!

  Jennifer : Oh God, has someone checked on the kids?

• Chanel Oberlin : You can knock of the neckbrace-in-the-headlights act. You're the darkest bitch of them all... #3 told me that you were the one who turned me into the police.

  Hester Ulrich : Those are some serious accusations and they make no sense considering everything that I've seen and done for you here, Chanel. Miss Bean, #2. I would be opening myself up to a lot of trouble if I were to turn you into the authorities.

  Grace Gardner : It doesn't do any of us any good to start accusing each other with no evidence. But it is pretty suspicious that you're the one who found the body, Hester.

• Chanel Oberlin : Okay, here's what we know. One, #5 is a psychopath who no one likes. Two, she went in the closet to play Seven Minutes in Heaven with her boyfriend and then he ends of up dead. Clearly Chanel #5 is the killer!

  Chad Radwell : But when the Dickie Dollars got attacked and Caufield got his arms chopped off, there were two devils. Dos diablos.

  Chanel Oberlin : Okay, fine, Hester is one of the killers and the other is Chanel #5!

• Chanel Oberlin : Even though I firmly believe the psychotic twin duo of #5 and #6 are the killers, I have a pressing question for Haggie Gyllenhaal. Isn't it interesting that my former stalker and your current boyfriend Pete isn't here tonight?

  Grace Gardner : He told me he was studying tonight. He did! He told me he was studying!

  Chanel Oberlin : Interesting. That's all I'm gonna say. Interesting.

• Chad Radwell : Chanel, if you get murdered in those tunnels, I promise I will never bang anyone harder than I banged you.

  Chanel Oberlin : Chad, I love you!

  Chad Radwell : You're so rich and hot!

• Grace Gardner : Guys, I joined this sorority to feel close to my mom, to get a taste of the sisterhood that she was so inspired by, and after last night, I really feel it. I'm with you guys no matter what.

  Chanel Oberlin : Thank you for making that announcement that no one cared about.

• Chanel Oberlin : As Kappa House co-president, I think I can speak for everyone when I say we've all been through hell. So I propose we treat ourselves to a little heaven. Seven minutes in heaven.

  [giggles] 

  Chanel Oberlin : I go first, and I pick Chad.

  Grace Gardner : Wait, no! Hold on. The whole point of this slumber party was to figure out who the killer is.

  Chanel Oberlin : Give it a rest, Nancy Drew! Whatever your plan was, it isn't working. So, excuse me for seven minutes. I'm gonna ask my *boyfriend*, Chad Radwell, to dial "O" on my pink telephone. Chad, would you like to prep the little man in the canoe?

  [rushes off giggling, with Chad hot on her heels]