Scream Queens (TV Series)

Ghost Stories (2015)

Glen Powell: Chad Radwell

Quotes 

• Hester Ulrich : Well, I guess we'll just have to see how it goes bringing Chanel home for thanksgiving.

  Chad Radwell : Yeah, I guess we will see, as that's what's going to happen.

  Hester Ulrich : I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

  Chad Radwell : Yeah, we will wait and see, as thanksgiving is an event that takes place in the future, and therefore it hasn't happened yet.

  Hester Ulrich : We'll see.

  Chad Radwell : Yep, sure will, as the arrow of time flows in one direction causing future events to flow inexorably towards us.

• Chanel Oberlin : You are gonna pay big time for this, Chad Radwell! You might even just pay the ultimate price.

  Chad Radwell : Ultimate... Wait, hold on, did you just threaten to kill me? Chanel, are you the killer?

  Chanel Oberlin : I guess we'll see.

• Chad Radwell : Her name was Debbie and she and dad were dating, but he didn't give her a silver turkey wishbone necklace, so she was not invited to Thanksgiving, but showed up anyway and then hung herself in the orchard, and now the whole house is haunted. Yeah, like, the furniture will just start screaming or, like, you'll crack open a Mountain Dew and you'll start to drink it and then it'll just turn to blood.

• Chad Radwell : Listen, you probably already know this because you saw it from Heaven, but I kinda had sex with a few girls in your bed after you died. I didn't mean any disrespect, I just kinda wanted that feeling of vacation sex, you know?

• Boone Clemens : I don't wanna be dead anymore, bro. Look, if I can get Zayday to love me and have sex with me, I can stay on earth.

  Chad Radwell : Wait, how does that work?

  Boone Clemens : Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "Once you go black, you never go back?"

• Chad Radwell : Last time we porked, I heard a tiny little squeal, like somebody letting air out of a balloon, followed by the smell of death. I feel like you farted.

• Chad Radwell : [asked if it was true that he made Hester pregnant]  I guess so. I mean, most of the time, we porked in a way that could *not* result in pregnancy... if you know what I mean... But I always knew I had a sackful of strong swimmers.

• Chad Radwell : [compliment night]  You're so hot you give my bone a bone.

  Chanel Oberlin : Thank you for that compliment, Chad!

• [Chanel tells Chad that Hester's pregnant] 

  Chad Radwell : I'm sorry, Chanel. Look, I'm as pissed off about this as you are. That Hester chick is weird! Tossin' her the bone was not even all that fun. But I guess I gotta marry her now, take her home to Thanksgiving.

  Chanel Oberlin : Wait, what?

  Chad Radwell : I'm sorry, Chanel, that's just how the Radwells roll. We make our beds, then we lie in them... we lie in them with our creepy, neckbrace, scoliosis wives.