73rd Golden Globe Awards (2016 TV Special)

Ricky Gervais: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : One Hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away of the chance of winning a Golden Globe. Particularly if their film companies already paid for it.

• Himself - Host : The excellent Spotlight was nominated. The Catholic Church are furious about the film, as it exposes the fact that five percent of their priests have repeatedly molested children and were being allowed to cotinue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it "the best date movie ever!"

• Himself - Host : Shut up, I don't care.

• Himself - Host : [to Mel Gibson]  What the fuck does sugar tits mean?

• [last lines] 

  Himself - Host : Thank you, I'm afraid that's it. We're out of time.

• [first lines] 

  Himself - Host : Shoosh! Shut up! You... disgusting, pill-popping, sexual, deviant scum. Ok, I wanna do this monologue and then go into hiding, okay. Not even Sean Penn will find me.

  [audience laughs] 

  Himself - Host : Snitch!

• Himself - Host : Of course, women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I'd like to say now, that I'm geting paid the exactly same as Amy and Tina did last year for hosting...

  [audience laughs] 

  Himself - Host : I know there was two of them but it's not my fault if they shared the money, is it? It's their stupid fault.

  [more laughs] 

  Himself - Host : It's funny cause it's true.

• Himself - Host : To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again, so does Schindler's List.

  [strange reaction from the crowd] 

  Himself - Host : It's just a film.

• Himself - Host : Listen, if you do win tonight remember that no one cares about that award as much as you do. Okay? Don't get emotional, it's embarassing, okay? That award, no offence, is worthless. It's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they can meet you and have a selfie with you. It's all there is. I've got three, I've got three Golden Globes myself, so I can set... One is a doorstop, one I use to hit burglers with, and one I keep by the bed... doesn't matter why, it's mine, it's mine. I won it fair and square. And it's just the right shape and size, it's nothing... Yeah, so to be clear that was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes, that I've won, up my arse.

• Himself - Host : Our next presenter is the star of the hilarious comedy "The Martian".

  [bursts into laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Oh, I nearly died. Right. He's also the only person who Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to. Please welcome, Matt Damon.

• Himself - Host : Our next presenter is an actress who is both beautiful and talented. Born in England, she came to America and has taken Hollywood by storm. The star of the movie "The Danish Girl". Please... it's a dude! Eddie Redmayne.