- Uncle Jack: As the great Johnny Cochran once said, if the glove doesn't fit, give up.
- Charlie Kelly: That is not what he said. How are you a lawyer Jack?
- Bill Ponderosa: [after snorting a white powder] Jesus son, what did you cut this with?
- Bobby Ponderosa: Shut up bitch.
- Charlie Kelly: Your son? Your son is your dealer?
- Bill Ponderosa: He's reliable.
- Uncle Jack: Did you see his hands? They're beautiful, I think we should settle.
- Bill Ponderosa: Jesus Christ, I'm going to prison.
- The Lawyer: Maureen, you are the sister of Bill Ponderosa, and it was at your weeding where Liam got attacked?
- Maureen Ponderosa: Meow.