- [first lines]
- Count Dracula: [narrating] My struggle to survive continues. Tonight Van Helsing and Gibbons destroyed another box of my sacred earth of Transylvania... but this time, I may have destroyed them also.
- [under an assumed name, the Count teaches a European history class at a local college]
- Count Dracula: So you can see Crown Prince Rudolph was still anxious to spread his wild oats and it was difficult to blame him. Princess Stephanie of Belgium was about as exciting as a stale glass of beer... and very nearly as flat.