- [Matt is in his room waiting to get on the show]
- Himself - Host: Hey, stupid! How's it going?
- Himself - Guest: Hi asshole!
- Herself - Guest: Hello, you're on the air.
- Himself - Guest: Hi, this is... Matt... from Boston. I have a question about the mowfee.
- Herself - Guest: And what's your question, Matt?
- Himself - Host: Hold on a minute! Matt, from Boston, what's your last name?
- Himself - Guest: [uncomfortable silence] Uh, Affleck.
- Himself - Host: [scoffs] Yeah, your name is Matt Affleck? Get off the phone!
- Himself - Host: [to Olivia] He knows what this is about.
- [phone disconnects]
- Herself - Guest: Hello, you're on the air.
- Himself - Guest: [falsetto] Hi, this is Linda from Sacramento.
- Herself - Guest: HI, Linda. What's your question?
- Himself - Guest: [normal voice] Uh, actually it's Matt Damon, and I really do want to ask about the mowfee.
- Himself - Host: Cut the line!
- Himself - Host: [to Olivia] He doesn't really want to ask about that and I'm not going to let his stupid voice ruin my Shop-A-Thon, DEMON!
- [phone disconnects]
- [Matt tried to force his way onto the show]
- Himself - Host: Get him out of here! Just *get him out of the whole BUILDING!*
- Himself - Host: Honestly, sincerest apologies to Matt Damon. We really didn't have time for him tonight...
- Himself - Guest: [from the parking lot] Hey Jimmy! JIMMY! Did you call my name?
- Himself - Host: Yeah, I wa just saying that we don't have any more time...
- Himself - Guest: That's alright. I'm not bitter. I'm in a really giving mood right now. So in addition to the money I'm going to donate to RED, I'm also making a personal donation right now. I'm donating some *pee* into your gas tank!
- Himself - Host: That son of a bitch!
- [runs outside]