- Gareth: It's one thing being a horrible human being, it's another thing to be evil, and I would rather die than join the dark forces!
- Galavant: Me too.
- Isabella: And me.
- King Richard: And me.
- Madalena: Right, well no one invited you lot, but whatever.
- [Galavant hands Richard a hooded metal helmet as they head into battle]
- King Richard: Why do we need these? Are we not doing our own stunts?
- Galavant: What? Of course we are. Just to preserve the dramatic reveal.
- King Richard: That's a good idea. You've obviously done this before.
- King of Valencia: As a former king who once led armies into battle, I must officially say we are knee-deep in poopy ca-ca.
- [Jester is applauded by two armies]
- Jester: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here all week. Unless I die.
- [Madalena and Wormwood use magic to control the undead army]
- Queen Madalena: They're kind of attacking everyone, our men included.
- Chester Wormwood: Well, you make a cake, you break a few eggs.
- [singing]
- Galavant, King Richard, Gareth, Isabella, King of Valencia, Queen of Valencia, Jester: It's a good day to die.
- Queen of Valencia: Oh please, this isn't Game of Thrones!
- Gareth: We're not gonna die! Let's end the song and grow some stones - and fight!
- Jester: Or will we leave all our viewers with pain and anger, just like we left them last year? Would we just stop once again on a huge cliffhanger...
- [abrupt cut to black]
- [singing recap song]
- Jester: The hero plows ahead, his army's kind of dead, and yet his energy is far from flaggin'. King Richard rides with Gal, bringing his lizard pal, which may or may not be a real live dragon. Plus, he's got the sword, which you'll recall means he's the king who'll rule them all. And so to war three armies go! One evil, one so-so, one dead and led by Galavant!
- [singing recap song]
- Jester: Gosh, so much to dump upon your doormat in our half-hour sitcom format. Still, there's plot holes we must fill, and though I doubt we will, we're gonna try on Galavant!
- Hortensian Army: [singing] It's a good day to die, though not as good as other days. A good day to die, but if there's one a little ways away, well, then, hey, we can reschedule, it's more than okay!
- [Hortensians have no weapons and are heading to war with kitchen objects]
- Princess Isabella: Arise, Hortensia! Today we fight! Pots shall be broken! Pans shall be splintered! Whisks shall be... actually, let's not use whisks. It'll be a sore day, a red day, but a day for victory!
- Galavant: Richard, you can do this. Over the last months, I've watched you transform from a boob into a real man. And today you're going to transform into a warrior.
- King Richard: You said "boob!"
- Galavant: Please focus.
- Gareth: Okay, are we gonna start this war or not?
- Chester Wormwood: I say we wait. In an hour, the sun will be at the perfect angle to highlight the color of the spilling blood against the golden sand.
- Madalena: Looks like we're all together again, how lovely! Our storylines have been far too separated.
- [an army tries to break down the kingdom gates]
- Gareth: Richard, stand behind me.
- King Richard: I will not. I will stand beside you.
- Isabella: There's a lot of them.
- King of Valencia: Yeah, as a former king who once led armies into battle, I must officially say: We are knee-deep in poopy-caca.
- Isabella: Thanks, Dad, that's helpful.
- Isabella: Good people of Hortensia, it is true the Valencians have three to our every one. And you are right to worry, because how can so few of us dig the graves of so many of them?
- King of Valencia: She twisted it.
- Isabella: If you want to leave, leave now. I will not mind. For it will leave more glory for the rest of us!
- Queen of Valencia: She twisted it again!
- [singing]
- Galavant: It's a good day to die.
- King of Valencia: We won't, there's one more episode.
- Galavant: But still, we could die!
- Gareth: We all know that's a massive load of...
- Galavant: Right! Still, we might.
- Galavant: Richard, you can do this. Over the last months, I've watched you transform from a boob into a real man. And today, you're going to transform into a warrior.
- King Richard: [smirks] You said "boob".