- Olivia Moore: And who might this hirsute stranger be? Introduce yourself.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I am Mosco Bandywax of the Mirkwood Bandywaxes. I'm a Halfling monk.
- Olivia Moore: And you, good sir?
- Major Lilywhite: I am Sir Jay Esclaborne, the human paladin.
- Olivia Moore: I don't remember your character earning a knighthood.
- Major Lilywhite: Oh, he's not a knight. His first name is: Sirjay.
- Olivia Moore: ...Clever. I'll be watching you. And, you, madam?
- Peyton Charles: Uh, Brangelina Darksbane. Dark elf assassin.
- Olivia Moore: And who might this stout fellow be?
- Clive Babineaux: Earl. Dwarf fighter.
- Peyton Charles: So, we can go and find Castle What's-His-Nuts, fight that thing, come back and we'll get rewarded by this little old lady.
- [Looks at Liv]
- Peyton Charles: Or we could just tie up this little old lady, and take what we want now.
- Olivia Moore: Georgie begins to mutter an incantation. Electricity fires from her hands and strikes Brangelina.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I try to dive in front of the lightning bolt. "Not on this day, Ms. Fogglebottom!"
- Olivia Moore: The lightning bolt has already struck Brangelina. And Mosco lands on the ground in front of her, looking foolish.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: What brought you here?
- Rachel Greenblatt: I'm a photographer. I want to shoot a zombie. I've already got a Nessie and a Sasquatch.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Dungeons & Dragons. The granddaddy of all fantasy role-playing games.
- Clive Babineaux: So, the victim has kids?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: ...Adults play it, too.
- Vampire Steve: [about Zoe] I think we may yet be joined in holy union.
- Olivia Moore: Good luck with that. She's polyandrous, and would only stay married until a male child is born. Plus, you'd need to find a unicorn to sacrifice.
- Vampire Steve: You don't know. I could find a unicorn.
- Clive Babineaux: ...I was talking about real life.
- Olivia Moore: Your story begins. Night falls on Astergrove. A hamlet on the frontier of the human kingdom of Oosterglovia. You have never seen each other before, but you find yourselves gathered in the study of Georgie Fogglebottom. Last wizard east of Gloomy Glen. You regard each other uncomfortably.
- [the group just stares blankly]
- Olivia Moore: You regard each other uncomfortably.
- Clive Babineaux: Anyone know if Gloomy Glen is a person or a place?
- Major Lilywhite: Listen to this love letter. "When they make a Chaos Killer TV movie, I hope you watch it in he'll with your pal Ted Bundy".
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Wait, you didn't actually kill anyone.
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah, and the joke's on them. I'm not pals with Ted Bundy either.
- Clive Babineaux: Diego told us you did all this to get with Zoe.
- Vampire Steve: I came to vampires of my own accord. It is but one of many interests I happen to share with Zoe.
- Clive Babineaux: Name another.
- Vampire Steve: Graphic novels. Especially those pertaining to vampires.
- Olivia Moore: You each start the campaign with this many gold pieces.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Rolls dice] Twenty-seven gold pieces.
- Clive Babineaux: I buy a small farm, retire from adventuring.